nervous nelly

How my poor heart aches
with every step you take

It seems like nearly everyday J is learning something new. It's exciting, but bittersweet also. Yesterday morning I awoke to J awake & squawking as usual. But when I looked at the monitor to assess if I really needed to get up yet or not, what I saw caused me to leap out of bed with shock. It was nothing bad, just a surprise. J had rolled over onto his belly. Now he's doing it all the time. Unlike rolling onto his back from his belly, this he loves. He spent quite awhile on his mat this morning rolling around and seemingly loving it. This afternoon I caught him getting up on his arms & toes for a moment and other times today up on his knees. Crawling is not too far off now. He's so different than even a month ago or for that matter 2 weeks ago. He notices his toys, he gives hugs, he's much more interactive with us now, and of course there's the rolling.

Soon he'll be on an airplane for the first time. I'm rather nervous about it. I get stressed when he cries in Half Price Books so crying in a flying metal tube with God knows how many other passengers, well that's about more than I can take. I've already begun to stress out subconsciously. I'm great at convincing myself that by doing an Excel spreadsheet for both J & I (of what to pack of course) and making lists of what we need to purchase are things that help me not only prepare but remain calm. No. It just keeps me busy mentally and physically so I don't dwell, but deep down it's already lurking. I know because I've had a stomach ache for 3 days now. I blamed it on the vitamins I took that one random day, but I know better. My neck hurts from the stress lingering in my shoulders.
In comparison to the flight, the actual stay out-of-town in a home with both a 3yr old and 2yr old is nothing. Well, almost nothing. I do worry a little about J's sleeping arrangements and if curious toddlers will cause any interruptions. I also worry a little about 2nd daycare germs but that's part of why I'm still nursing. After all that comes the naps - we've spent all week getting J used to napping in his crib. On the 4th day he caught on and is doing really well now. Let's hope that lasts with all the running around we'll surely be doing.
Oy vey! I sure did inherit the worry gene. Not exactly straight from grandma considering my dad has it too, and I believe he shares it with his sister (and I with her daughter). Well, no alcohol or Xanax while nursing so I'll have to settle for some ice cream.

Enjoying the present

I'll start with a quick update on J. He's changing so fast and these days he is almost always learning or doing something new. This morning started with his monthly progress assessment (he's fine). J & I will be focusing on fine motor skills (switching the toy from hand to hand & working with an offered third toy). I'll also be encouraging elevated play while sitting to help him strengthen his neck muscles and keep his head upright. He's not sitting unassisted yet. We're also going to be helping him learn to "army crawl" (gulp).
I'm not too excited about crawling. I know it's coming - soon. He's growing too fast and crawling is the gateway to independence! I already miss him falling asleep in my arms and sleeping on me for his nap. In no time at all (in roughly 2 weeks in fact) he'll be closer to 1yr old than newborn. Ugh! Besides we're having dog issues. The pack has become wiley and aggressive, and fall will bring all species together under one roof until spring. That will get me out of the house everyday!
Last Thursday, J had solid food for the first time (rice cereal). Since it'd been a week and we really want him on oatmeal we got to switch him today. He seems to enjoy it as much as the rice. Finally, during his bath tonight he decided his toes indeed DO look delicious. They finally made it to his mouth, yum.


Outside of those updates (which really do make up the majority of my time considering J is my job currently), I chose a logo for my shirts today with the help of some friends who voted. There was a clear winner and as soon as I have the logo in-hand I'll most likely post it here with more info on the business.
I also spent some time avoiding a blog today. My friend Aj sent it and it's written by a friend of hers, H. Aj sent it along because it's a lesson in making the most of today and how small things can be as memorable (or more) than big extravagant things. It's really the day to day times people spend together and the everyday encounters that can leave lasting impressions and mean the most. I think it's also a reminder that the only time you have is right now, this very second. The past is gone and the future is not promised to you. I'm avoiding it because it's sad. I'm playing the part usually left for Aj (who does not want to waste time with unhappy movies or books) and avoiding reading what I know does not have a happy ending. Or a happy beginning as the blog was started 1 month after H's husband died of cancer. They have a young daughter and a newborn son and I was familiar with her husband's struggle through Aj the past few months. It's of course terribly sad, and it hits far too close to home. As much as I also avoid reading Eckart Tolle, I think I'll pick up his book this evening in lieu of finishing this blog. I'm going to have to read his unemotional plea for everyone to be present and live in the now, versus her emotionally charged, and frankly uncomfortable healing process. It's how I'm going to live in the present because it's safer. Maybe safe is not what I should do or what others would do but it's what I've chosen. Now as part of being present, I need to abandon any guilt I feel for such a decision. [Exhale.]

Bizzzness

I'm officially an entrepreneur. I have one business up and running (Full Circle Editorial & Research) though I've only had one job so far. I'm hoping to help out on another one in the near future and supposedly all my contacts will have stuff available in the fall. I'm biding my time and remaining hopeful. I don't need a ton of work - leftover scraps and filling in gaps are perfect for my schedule.
I'm using this downtime to get my second business started (name is not set though I'm leaning towards one - stay tuned). This would be my t-shirt business. D helped me map out an 8-month plan to have t-shirts in hand. I need them by mid-May at the latest so I can take them to vendors starting at the end of May. This month I'm supposed to fill out my art specifications and locate artists. I'm workin' on it. I have had some referrals over the past few months and have been getting a few more. This afternoon, procrastinator that I am, I decided I needed a logo to sit atop my art specs. Surely there was a way to get one quickly online - yep there is. Logo Maker lets you build one using their graphics & fonts (and Pantone colors). You can invite friends to vote on your logo options (they do not have to sign up for anything which I like). Then once you are settled on one you purchase it. The cost is really reasonable. I may have a logo as early as tomorrow. Exciting. Now if J will adapt to the new nap time location I'll have time to work on the specs!
I've honestly spent the last couple weeks stuck. I've been spending too much time on Facebook and LinkedIn. I've researched tons of things on the Internet and spent way too much time on IM. I need to be more focused. I think I will be. I do have the 8-month plan. So now I will not get lost surfing the web trying to figure out where to start and what to do first (t-shirts). And I will not stare blankly at my Gmail account, continually hitting Refresh in hopes a job has fluttered into my InBox or someone has joined my LinkedIn network. I have a plan, in list form no less. I'm ready!

J.O.T.

Rather than do one super long bullet-list of updates, I'll just do a handful of hopefully better thought out entries. I just can't seem to get to this site often enough to avoid the list. So now this blog is becoming a list of lists.

J.O.T. - yeah, that's the boy. He's getting big. I'm losing track of days, but early last week we noticed J has a tooth. His first tooth at 5 1/2 months old. It's his bottom right and his bottom left is next. In fact, based on the rash he had yesterday, I'll expect it to break the surface by Friday. He had a rash now almost 2 weeks ago and I rushed him into the doctor for it. We re-washed all his clothing after a diagnosis of contact dermatitis and re-reading of the laundry detergent instructions. With the soap being concentrated and having new high efficiency machines I was overdoing it by using the same amount I always have with regular soap & machines. I was using nearly 3x the amount I should have been.
Even with the overuse of soap my mother insisted that the rash was due to his tooth. She's "seen it a million times before." Well, yesterday it re-appeared and both the doctor and mom say the second tooth is ready. So if we're following a rash then tooth pattern then as I stated the tooth should break the skin by Friday. We'll see.
Tomorrow is our second visit with the Help Me Grow (HMG) specialist. J was automatically qualified for the county program due to his NICU diagnosis at birth. It wasn't a diagnosis that affects him now at all except that it puts him at risk for developmental delays. HMG's early childhood specialist comes out 1x a month to assess his development. So far so good. Tomorrow she may not get to work with him though as it's prime nap time.
Naps - that's a whole other can of worms these days. Since he'll outgrow his swing within another inch of height, and because we're traveling in a couple weeks, I decided he needed to start taking naps in his crib. He thinks this is a terrible idea. I don't understand - he sleeps there all night. He's getting about 1/4 the nap time he should be because he's spending it fussing, writhing about in frustration, playing, and screaming/crying. It has my nerves frazzled. I hate to hear him cry but when I walk in to pat his belly and calm him down half the time he giggles. I'm being played! I'm trying to be strong and stay out of the room until he falls asleep but when he gets to the screaming/crying part I have to go in and soothe him. Tomorrow is day 3 of the process. I had heard babies adapt in 3 days - I think he's on a slightly longer term plan but we'll see. I'm hopeful AND tenacious!
What else . . . oh, yes - RICE. J has started on solid foods. He's had rice cereal now for about a week and I think tomorrow or Friday we'll move on to oatmeal. He's doing really well and seems to really like it. He gobbles it up. I really have to watch for his subtle 'I'm full' signs, if that's what they are. He's not mastered the feeling full thing yet at all.
Grandma & Grandpa were here last weekend for my birthday. However it was J that got all the gifts. We made a stop at Toys-R-Us and he made out like a bandit. We're holding back some of the toys so he'll get new things every so often, not that I think he necessarily notices. I do know he gets bored with toys though, but after a few weeks he normally will like them again and play with them in a whole new way (like his playmat). We've already had to move his exersaucer height up a notch. It seems like only a week or two ago that he fit in it at all and now he's outgrown a notch! He really is growing so fast. The time is flying as all you moms (and dads) out there can surely attest to.
More updates later.

end of July

The start of another month! July has gone out like a lion and August is coming in the same way. We're so busy! I wouldn't think a stay-at-home mom could be that busy but I really am. Even though I'm still patiently waiting for the promised onslaught of work to come in this week, I'm already definitely not bored.
Last week . . .

• J learned to put his binky in his mouth himself. I learned yesterday he's using an "inferior pincher" grasp which is 3 grasps from where he was a month ago. He's doing good in the fine motor skills area!
• J started exploring his parents' facial features (mainly just mom's); he continues to struggle with rolling over but gets it about 1/2 the time
• He is exploring his voice - he spent the week "growling" and now is moving into squealing and shrieking. Wow, shrieking is ridiculously loud
• With a sick kitty (renal failure) and an elderly dog, of course we could not have a simple time of getting the pets ready for our trip out-of-town. Tate went to board at the vet (sick kitty) while our elderly Cleo traveled with us to my parents'. The other 2 cats (yes we have 3) stayed home with toys & huge bowls of food. The other 2 dogs (yep, 3 of those too) were driven 40 minutes south of us (oh, and yeah we were heading north for the weekend) to board because their local place was booked.
• We spent another weekend in PA, this time visiting my family. I helped my mom throw my dad a surprise b-day party (by help I mean that I planned & executed the whole thing but did not have to pay for it - perfect!). My dad actually seemed surprised though he was suspicious when my uncle from TX showed up Friday night with my brother in-tow (in from Vegas). It went well and the cake was absolutely amazing & delicious. It was from Clarencedale Cakes. They did my baby shower cupcakes too. Yum.
• Though I look a bit frumpy these days and spend way too much time in pajamas, I was pleased to put on shorts & capris that were not only understandably tight this spring but tight last spring . . . . but they weren't tight this weekend! Our nightly walks are helping my waistline and hopefully helping me get fit in general.

This week:

• J had his Del. Co. Help Me Grow assessment. His early childhood person came in and played with him for about an hour. He's doing great! He's ahead in a few places, on track in most, and there was only one place where he could end up behind if we don't work with him. It's our fault, again. We thought it was okay if he liked to stand instead of sit so we let him. Well, apparently he is resisting sitting because it's more difficult. Well, that's going to have to change. I dusted off our exercise ball (pathetic that it was soooooooo dusty - says a lot about our resistance to working our core too!) and learned some exercises for him. We can both workout with it now!
• J also had his first sick-baby appointment. He's fine though so we figured while we were there we'd get his 5-month vaccines too. He seemed to take these worse than the previous ones. He was more tired & cranky than before and there is a knot in his leg. He weighed-in a pound heavier than 3 weeks ago. Sounds pretty good to me.
• I'm supposed to get a ton of work this week. I'm glad to have this job and I suspected this would happen. I just hope I don't disappoint them and can get it all done in time! And then get more work from somewhere!
• I've done nothing with my t-shirts. Ugh. I know what I need to do next but creative ventures take a lot more time for me. I need time to think and mull things over much much more. Hopefully I figure out a plan and get something accomplished sooner than later.
• Speaking of creativity, another task I had for this week was getting a selection of my photographs framed for display. It's all in who you know, right? Well, D needed new artwork up in his store, in a hurry for this week. So he just broke down and asked me to put mine up since he had no time to get stuff from anyone else. I'm excited to have them up, but nervous also. Once I saw them they didn't look that good - they didn't look worthy of display. But if you want to judge for yourself stop by the Lane Avenue Starbucks. :)
• More J news too of course. He started to really enjoy his jumperoo this week. D put him in it on Sunday evening when we got back from PA. He started jumping all around and spinning to look at the different toys. Yesterday he got a little upset when he was taken out of it!
• Last but not least . . . Friday. It's our 10 year anniversary. So we're going out to dinner. It'll be the first time we leave J with anyone. My parents haven't even watched him yet - only when we're in the house. So T will have them while we are out. We're leaving her our frontpack so she can take him for a walk. He's a big ole mama's boy and there's a good chance he'll flip out with her. He did in PA - he wouldn't even look at my dad and screamed when he held him. He let my mom & sister hold him but not for long. I'm nervous. I'm nervous about him flipping out, not that something bad will happen or that T can't handle things. Though that screaming is about impossible to work with. I'm sure it'll be fine. :)