some are silver and some are gold

I could move to Dallas.  I'm ready.  I find it interesting that I say that normally after two things . . . visits there and holidays away from there.  The rest of the time (especially early winter and all of autumn) I'm more than happy (yes more than) to stay put here in Ohio.  It's a frustrating see-saw, especially since the only way we'd move to Dallas is if D applied for and got a promotion.  So it's really a moot point that I need not consider as it's not really on the radar right now.  So why bring it up?  In part because we just returned from a trip there and it's fresh in my mind.  My sister-in-law's neighborhood has 9 houses for sale (4 on her street) and most could potentially be in our price range.  

There are definitely negatives to a move to Texas - a move that is by no means on the radar or happening any time soon but for which I feel the need to obsess and blog about.  It's hot down there and it's red - as in too freakin' conservative.  The schools aren't great though there are some that are apparently superb (Southlake comes to mind for one).  However not to ruffle any feathers of my six readers, but I don't want J taught stories in science - I want him taught science.  Back to weather though, it never snows in Dallas and I like the snow, at least for the first four weeks or so around the holidays.  I also really love autumn with it's crisp air and melancholy colors.  Last but not least, while I enjoy visiting Texas I don't have a lot of friends there.  I have one friend, 2 sister-in-laws, one cousin my age and 3 significantly younger.  

With that said there are negatives to Ohio too and the whole "I have no friends" issue with Texas isn't that much different here.  I have a bunch of "friends" on Facebook but even the activity on there mirrors real life.  As in there is no activity on there with or from my "friends" and in real-life I rarely see or talk to more than a couple of said friends.  So I guess the friend issue is a draw.  It does allow me to segue from my nonsense writing about a move south to, well to friendship I guess.

I have to say I'm not terribly outgoing.  I always tell D that being outgoing is a trait not a learned action but secretly I suspect that's false and just a cop out.  It's just a scary proposition to make an attempt to be more outgoing.  I'd rather get over a fear of spiders or tight spaces through systematic desensitisation than work to be more outgoing.  I wouldn't say I'm shy; I'm just slow to open up to people so I come off as cold (to say the least).  I would say the fact that I tend to find myself in friendships in which I do all the work is probably fueling the fire.  I don't know.  Maybe I can look at the friendships that are not one-way and learn something from them for going forward?  

Funny.  Funny to me at least.  Just last year I was considering joining a mom's group and didn't.  I wanted to join for J so he could play with other kids.  I was stressing because of the social interaction I'd be forced into with the mom's.  I wasn't interested in more/new friends.  My friendship situation hasn't changed since then but obviously my perspective has.  I really think it boils down to me being ready to have a life again so now friendships are important and what was enough last year isn't now.

I'm not sure how I'll be working through this.  I know I need to force myself to be more outgoing to some extent.  So when I take J to swim class or art class I need to be more social and outgoing with the other moms.  I also need to reach out to the moms I already know with kids J's age and setup some playdates.  Maybe by this holiday season I'll no longer be longing for the supposedly greener grass across the Mason Dixon line.