Mi Vida (Part 1 - unemployment & introductions)

I quit my job. Today was the day that became effective even though I cleaned out my desk on Friday. I gave the last 3 weeks of my maternity leave (vacation) as my notice. This seemed a little shady, but 1) I figured they'd found someone to do my work for the last 6 weeks so what need would they have for me to come back for two weeks? And 2, I called our corporate HR for advice and they were fine with my plan.

It was less bittersweet than I expected - mainly just sweet. I will really miss the people I work with including those who read my blog and a handful of others. I hope I'll be able to stay in touch with them. The lack of sadness isn't all that surprising to me. I'll delve into that in a future blog (probably entitled something like 'What I want to be when I grow up). It's a topic almost as worrisome to me these days as the loss of income. Income is the number one worry though which is why I'll be freelancing ASAP.

The only issue is the "P," as I have no idea when work will become logistically possible considering most days I do not shower and if I do I almost certainly will have to skip eating to do so. This is just another introduction to yet another topic I will hopefully find time and motivation to write about here - breast/bottle battles. Not only do I obviously need to feed J, but I must also pump since he still refuses anything but the bottle he came to know in the NICU. At some point he either needs to change his attitude towards nursing or I have to face the decision of going to all formula. Being a long-term unpaid stay-at-home mom is not an option for us financially so I need to free up some time for work.

Fortunately, when I gave my notice I received two potential sources of freelance work. I also have vendors I have worked with in the past. AND I'm fortunate enough to have worked with photography, editing, writing, and project management during my time with the company so I have a variety of skills to offer. We'll see what I can find out there that fits into my part-time availability and skill set.

Speaking of that, I'm not very confident in my skills, one more reason my departure was more timely than sad. Though I wanted to believe I would have gained confidence in time, I didn't and worried I never would. Maybe it was a wall I built, but maybe it was actually a warranted concern. We'll see how freelancing goes, maybe it will give me the answer.

This is a less than eloquent post. Part of me wants to go back over it and finesse it into something less jarring and scattered. But I think I'll just leave it. I feel scattered so it's fitting. And besides, the boy is crying and this could very well be the 'I want my momma' cry that he's been using. It's flattering and I don't mind at all, but it does increase the limitations of what I can get done. Oh well. Cuddling it is!

Again

Again, I want to get back to blogging. I have a good deal of computer time at my disposal now. It's one of the few things I can do while holding Mr. Squirmy during his demanding times and/or cuddling times. What I usually end up doing though is IMing. I enjoy it, and it's the most adult conversation I get each day considering when D gets home we split up and tackle baby's needs, ours, dinner, etc. Divide and conquer! I feel like as the at-home mom I should be doing it all but that's not happening yet. I'm not sure when or if it will.

In any case, I want to write. I want to do something constructive with my time. I need to feel more like myself as most days I cannot locate her. And I can't stand to watch much more HGTV in HD or otherwise.

I came up with a list of topics I've been meaning to write about. Things I want to explore for myself really that I'm cool sharing with all y'all too. So now I just need to choose one and go. Simple, right? I'll try (that reminds me: there is no try; there is only do or do not) to be positive . . . yes, simple.