2009

Just in time for the new year, Wednesday's New Year's Eve Freewill horoscope (Virgo) . . .

In 2009, you'll receive a lot of help, some unexpected, whenever you phase out your trivial desires so that you can better pursue your truly important desires. The coming months will also be an excellent time to shed unrealistic fantasies so you can be freer to concentrate on the realistic kind. While these are not quite once-in-a lifetime opportunities, Virgo, they may be the once-in-a-decade variety. Why not draw up a plan for how you can take maximum advantage of the specific luck that will be flowing your way?

Trivial desires and unrealistic fantasies . . . ouch, that stings. And I can't get help until I phase them out, huh. Well, I think I know the latter, but I'm not sure about the former. Believe it or not I don't actually like introspection which I this seems to require. What are my trivial desires?

Okay, how about a real question for you . . . I need pronoun help. What is "these" referring to . . . "these are not quite once-in-a lifetime opportunities, Virgo, they may be the once-in-a-decade variety?" I'm really not sure but it seems intriguing.

I am curious to learn what type of help I'll be receiving if I can become more realistic. Sounds petty, but . . . I could especially use some help in getting my house clean and keeping it that way. I could also use some super-duper professional help with my pack of basenjis. A certain someone would like the herd culled sooner than later and this notion out into the universe returns in the form of injury and disease. That's not cool. It's not cool for my furkids or for us. Our one basenjis is on so many pills it's ridiculous. How did my parents manage to have nice elderly pets who seemed to never be on any meds? He's got opiates, muscle relaxers, antibiotics, anti-diarrhea, steroids, and thyroid (I think that's it). Goodness that's a lot and so no wonder he's not himself but instead a big jerk. Off the meds he's mopey because he's in pain. Ugh. Again, the pets I had growing up never had any issues like this! WTH!?!?!

Well, even if I'm still clinging to fantasy for now, at least I do have the plan. I have my vision board done. I did one last year but never got it printed off the computer. This year I have a poster board on my closet door. I used a 9-square feng shui bagua as a back drop this year and categorized all my clippings accordingly. I love it. I keep looking at it, which I guess is part of the point. The rest of the point? Not sure, but I guess just to get those ideas into the universe as well as into my consciousness and subconsciousness.

Happy New Year!

2008 Holiday Season

We like holidays. In fact, most anything (other than illness) that means extra time can be spent at home vs at work has to be good. The season starts with the Winter Solstice which we celebrated asmidge early. The weather reports stated the weather would get colder and colder as we passed over the solstice weekend. So we opted to make a trek to the zoo on Saturday evening. We bundled J up in his cozy bunting and yak-wool (a gift from T's time in Nepal - I assume yak wool but I could be wrong). TheWildlights were wonderful. I wish we'd gone before! We'll definitely make it a yearly trek.
J wasn't thrilled about his stroller, but that's becoming the norm. We held him and alternated walking around looking at the lights with visiting indoor exhibits. J really liked the fish and the elephants most. It was quite cold so we stayed just over an hour and then headed home. The wind was really picking up when we left so it was good timing. J slept like a champ that night - we need to get him outside more often. I remember longingly how he slept through the night every night June - August when we'd take nightly walks.

We traveled "home" to western PA for Christmas. We were house guests/sitters which worked out wonderfully. Our first morning in town we battled ice to visit a high school friend with a brand new baby girl. I think we'll try to make that a regular visit; it was a lot of fun. They also have a 4 year old girl. And while Billie is still on maternity leave and only has 1 dog she gets way too much accomplished! A 2 month old & 4 year old but she makes her own bread, jam, etc. I'd love to do that but I can barely even get the dishes & laundry done. I need to get this figured out.
The first holiday event was Christmas Eve at my aunt's home. It replaces the good ole days of parties at my grandparents' - all night parties complete with makeshift bar on the washer & dryer. Gotta love that! J got to meet his cousin who is 4 weeks younger than him. It was the first little one his own age that he's gotten to meet. They were intrigued with one another but before they could play gifts were brought out. J's favorite . . . the blue ribbon on one of the gifts. I kept it and used it to appease him during diaper changes the whole time we were there. That was a late night but J slept the whole way through to morning and then we headed out to my mom's. My niece and nephew had been up since 6am staring at the gifts Santa had brought. I didn't even see my nephew open his - he was too fast. J got a newcarseat and of course toys. We returned home on Saturday to pick up kitty, then the pups on Sunday. How quickly we went back to normal (aka hectic). You'd think the holidays would be more hectic than day-to-day.

New Years was uneventful. While we were up around midnight with J, we did not see the ball drop or have a drink or anything like that. It's not like we are normally big party goers or anything but we normally at least stay up to welcome in the new year. We tried everything in the 'No Cry Sleep Solution' book so we've moved on to some crying solutions for J. He's had to cry it out a few times. Last night was the worst (probably for me more than him) but he calmed down and fell asleep and stayed asleep all night. My mom insists that this is better for everyone but I'm dubious. I feel evil. I'm working on getting over it though. I can attest that J is not sad - he's mad. Last night we went in, rocked him to sleep (3x for D followed by 1x for me) but he'd wake up every time he was placed in his crib. He would kick his legs and yell. He was just mad so I kissed him and said goodnight and left. Why must learning to sleep be so difficult?!?!?

Anyway, overall the holidays were very nice. I was concerned J would not travel well but he was awesome. He got a new tooth while we were out-of-town and even with teething he was super. I'm looking forward to being more social and outgoing with him this winter and spring.
I wanted to include photos from Wildnights, Christmas, etc but I forgot my card reader at my mom's in PA. She is in Vegas until next week so it'll be awhile. I could find the cable to my camera and connect directly but finding that may take as long. I will upload photos, they'll just be a bit belated.

Winter Solstice

I love Winter Solstice. It's the first holiday of the group that we celebrate this season. I hate that it's the shortest day of the year, but there is a silver lining. The following day is longer, and so is the next and the next and so on.
We normally celebrate the holiday with lights. We had a wine tasting party a few years ago and our entire house was lit only by candlelight. It's surprising how much heat a hundred or so tea lights produce. We eventually had to turn off the furnace and open a window.
I cannot recall what we did last year. If the weather is decent perhaps we'll go to the zoo this year. Or maybe D and I will manage to have a nice candlelit dinner someplace. We'll see. Either way it is the beginning of the holidays and I'm excited. I'm not ready at all, but I'm excited nonetheless.

I'm bringing up Winter Solstice in part because it was mentioned in my omen this week.

"My deepest emotional wound has also been the source of inexhaustible blessings." I'm not going to tell you why that statement is true for me -- it's way too personal -- but I assure you that it's one of the fundamental facts about my destiny. Could you make a similar assertion, Virgo? Is it possible to interpret your life in such a way that you could see how a painful experience you suffered in the past has also given you tremendous insight, inspiration, and vitality? Two thousand nine will be an excellent year to make that leap of understanding. And the time around the solstice -- right now! -- is a perfect moment to get started.

I have not spent much time pondering my "deepest emotional wound" and feel lucky that it doesn't jump right out and announce itself. Lucky because while we all have emotional wounds I don't think I have that many let alone many deep ones. Is that lucky? Some may say it's not, that perhaps I cannot have proper growth or "inexhaustible blessings" without the flipside. I don't think that is completely true. Everyone is different.
In part I've not spent time pondering this because of it's negativity. However, I think I may take some time with this anyway because like the winter solstice, there is light on the other side of darkness. I would love to be able to be less negative and interpret negativity in a more positive way. I think that would be a wonderful way to spend some of my time and energy in 2009 - starting now.

9-months

Today baby J is 9 months old. Happy Birthday, baby J! :)

Yesterday he had his check-up. He's surprisingly down in his percentiles (25% height & weight). I was surprised because he's wearing really big sizes and out-growing them so fast. Dr. M said she sees this drop at 9-mo in about 90% of her patients. She said they get mobile and don't eat enough. I didn't realize that veggies, fruits and cereals had more calories than formula and milk. So I had been encouraging more of the latter but need to switch it as he begins the homestretch towards the 1yr mark. Maybe it's not the homestretch but he's surely nearing or rounding third. We started giving him 2 more ounces of solid food at each meal yesterday and to my surprise he woofed it down. Hmmm. Guess the poor lil guy was hungry after all. He's gaining about a pound a month but maybe he'll gain more with the added food and jump back up to average. Oh how we love that 50th percentile!

He's still not babbling, well not the sounds the pros say are coming. There's no mamamama or bababababa or dadadadada let alone mama, baba or dada. He surely has a lot to say though in the sounds he has decided are cool and fun.

We've also found out we have a climber. He wants to climb everything and was recently caught standing on the stool next to his crib. Next he tried to use D as a ladder to climb onto the chair in his room later that same day. He's ready to explore new heights! All I foresee are a whole new crop of bumps and bruises on his noggin from the falls. We've finally moved past the falling from his learning to stand and cruise.

He's still teething. The front top teeth are slowly but surely coming down. It's been two months of off and on with those things and I really wish they'd just come down once and for all. We're pretty certain there are more on the horizon. I'm guessing late January or early February they'll appear. He's been super drooly which is normally about 2-months out from new teeth. The rash he'll has been getting seems to mark about 2-weeks out from the teeth breaking the skin. Weird but so far predictable. I'll keep everyone updated on these subtle clues.

He's ready for his first holiday season. This weekend is of course Winter Solstice. We're hoping to get a baby sitter so we can go out to dinner (though I got an email about a meditation event too - I just don't think I can sell D on it). Then we go to see family for Christmas but return for D's birthday and New Years. We'll also be celebrating "little Christmas" in January (the 6th I believe) as J will have way too many items to open all at once. We'll space them out a bit this year. We just haven't found a way to work Hanukkah into the mix. We like celebrating all the holidays, not because we give gifts for them all (we don't) but just to honor them all. We're not religiously tied to any of them so it's nice to spend time enjoying the non-secular meaning each brings to the world.

I've sort of gotten off the topic of J. I don't think I have many more updates. Though I am leaving out two small items I learned over the past couple weeks . . . .

1. Buy blueberry baby food because making it at home is ridiculously messy. Everything was blue. As D said, it looked like we killed Barney in the kitchen. I also learned that 1-2 cubes of blueberry mixed with other fruit or some cereal is plenty. Any more than two and again everything become blue, including baby J.
2. J loves Norah Jones or at least her voice and well maybe even more specifically her singing Come Away With Me. The other day the song came on and he stopped playing and just turned and stared at the radio. He'd go back to playing for a moment and she'd start the chorus again, and again he'd stop and stare her way, listening. D mentioned months ago he thought J liked this song. In early summer he noticed the song calmed J and would often put him right to sleep. It is a lovely song.

I've actually been gathering cds from the library like a crazy woman. I have Disney Classics which were an accidental reserve. I thought I was getting play songs but there songs from the movies. Some are good but most I've never heard of before - somehow they escaped my notice when I watched the movie(s). I also got some RockABye cds which are lullaby versions of rock songs (I reserved Coldplay and U2, the Beach Boys and for my own curiosity Nine Inch Nails and Green Day). I also got him some early rock and roll collections (1950s stuff and early 1960s - he loves Rock Around the Clock). Lastly I reserved the correct Disney cds - Children's Favorite Play songs. I hope J likes them!

kisses

I would have added this somehow to my "thanks" posting had I known.
I walked upstairs from writing the post to have D say that J had started giving kisses. I asked for a kiss and got one too! It's one word I'm consistent with saying ("kisses") so he can match it with the action. This is the first word we've been able to tell that he really knows what it is.
I can't wait for morning - a whole day of kisses. I'm tearing up. :)

Thanks

My last post seemed a bit more negative than I'm actually feeling. Though our feng shui is surely off and little things are continually popping up to throw a wrench into one or more aspects of our life, I'm still very grateful. I had wanted to post a gratitude list - some may call it giving thanks or perhaps even Thanksgiving - for a few days now so here it is.

I am very grateful for:

my very best friend of more than a dozen years and hubby for ten - D.
our nearly 9 month old baby boy, J who has changed every molecule of our lives.
our home which every year is truly more and more a home and less just a house.
friends - all of them, all over the world.
family and the more prominent desire to share them with J.
season though I'd really prefer longer spring, summer and fall and less winter.
my pets - though all of them are a challenge, they've enriched my life and I have learned a lot.
the opportunity to stay at home and start two businesses.
the space & support to try new things.
family - they deserve another nod.
D - he deserves at least three mentions.
J - he deserves every mention as he exists somewhere in each and every blessing.
the 51% of the US that believes in America and the potential greatness of change.
savings.
independence.
being needed.
being appreciated.
being loved.
acceptance.
a good haircut.
physical therapy that IS working.
friends - again.
D & J again and again and again. :)

Namaste.

as if

Here's this weeks horoscope:

In 1952, renowned modern composer John Cage created the infamous "4'33"." It's a "song" that consists of four minutes and 33 seconds of pure silence. Recently a San Francisco performance artist, Jonathon Keats, did a remix of that tune and made it available as a ring-tone. I'd love for you to be inspired by those two geniuses in the coming week, Virgo. It'll be an excellent time for you to come to a perfect stop, fill yourself with stillness, and bask in the healing power of undiluted nothingness.

And all I can say is AS IF. I don't have time to do nothing, let alone bask in undiluted nothingness. I wish. It's the holiday season. Even though D & I have always done very low-key, low spending holidays we still have family to buy for and some members expect gifts so there's no card or sweet cost-free sentiment that will suffice. I have an elderly insane dog that I must continually clean-up after, be it accidents in the house or a flood of water from her dancing in the water bowls. I have an almost elderly dog that was spry for his age but now appears to have a bulging or ruptured disc in his neck. He's been to the vet twice already this week and it's only Wednesday. Then there is the very mobile J. The other day I ran downstairs because I thought I heard water-bowl dancing. I was mistaken so I was back upstairs in 30 seconds - J had left the far side of his room, ventured across the hall and across the guest room to the computer and he was tugging on all the wiring he could get his little hands on. He's fast now!

In addition to tending to the souls residing in our home, I have a hubby who has decided to compete with me for the number of friends we have on Facebook. I'm rather non-competitive so I think I'll be able to keep from joining in this silly, potentially time consuming game. I also have two businesses I'm trying to get started. So I spend a decent amount of time at the computer working on those. Unfortunately we're having major internet connectivity issues these days so anything online is frustrating and stretches out into what at the time feels like eternity.

In the next three weeks leading up to our holiday travels I must finish shopping, baking, etc like everyone else. I must also finish my wrist physical therapy, do family photos, and get to a handful of other appointments for J and/or I.

I realize this to do list is like most everyone else's this time of year (sans dementia-ridden dog probably) but unless you are also a Virgo you probably do not have a horoscope suggesting you bask in undiluted nothingness.

I recognize filling myself with stillness and basking in nothingness would be a great tonic for this time of year. But unfortunately I just don't have time and this week my freewill is opting out.

Sigh. Nothingness DOES sound lovely.

tik tok - the clock struck 8

Baby J crossed the 8-month mark this past week. In celebration he puked (He's just like his dad! Ha Ha).

It was our first episode of illness with J. I still cannot believe that much stuff could fit inside his body, let alone his stomach. We were in such disbelief that we continued to dress him thinking it was over. He went through 3 sleepers and 2 baths. I also went through 3 outfits, but got no bath. Yum. I realized the next day how gross this was but at the time didn't think about it at all. He was a bit out of sorts the next day so we took it "low and slow" as the nurse suggested (hell, yeah this first time mom called the doctor). They said it was a stomach bug but he never got the other symptoms. I think I fed him bad avocado. How does an avocado go bad even? I have no idea but I'm certain that was the cause. I could have been convinced that the shamrock plant he nibbled the night before was the culprit. But I've deduced it was not. For one, poison control did not apparently mention vomiting (D talked to them - I'll explain) and two, his change of schedule that morning and afternoon has stuck. So it was truly a change of schedule and not a symptom of getting sick.
So yeah, D called poison control because the nibbling occurred on his watch. He had J standing on his lap looking over his shoulder as he checked email. And what was keeping J so happy and content - the shamrock plant (oxalis). He was sucking away at a stem. D pulled the leaf out of his mouth a few minutes later when he went to change his diaper. We'll let the story end there. It got a little ugly.

What else? Let me think.

Crawling is going well. Pulling up is his favorite thing in the whole world. He's starting to try to walk now also. He likes to offer you his hand and then he will take a step to you. He only gets 1-2 steps before he starts bouncing up and down like he's in his saucer (oh and you have to have both his hands once he offers you one). The bouncing is pretty impressive though - up and down, up and down while holding your hands. He's gonna get this walking figured out soon.
Oh, yes and during his first nap today he figured out how to sit on his own. He can sit from a stand but not from crawling or lying down. The sit was not from standing (he was too far away from the rail for that to be possible) but we missed the actual event.

He's continuing with hating orange foods. I love orange foods! So sad. He is currently finding sweet potatoes distasteful. I let him try Cheerios yesterday but he's not ready. Instead we're making his food more coarse for the next week or two and will then try Cheerios again.

He's changed his schedule (I could tell it was happening). He now eats 4x a day not 5 and naps 2x not 3. The naps are longer so it's the same amount of sleep. The food is more (he gets solid at every meal and milk) fewer times so I think that's a wash too. Now I have to adapt to this change. I had finally gotten used to the other as it'd been that way for months.

Overall he's doing great. I'm excited to see how much he's grown at his next appointment in a couple weeks. Personally I think he's tall. He outgrows all his clothes height first, not weight or head size. We'll see. If so he's got two of his four great-grandfathers to thank because no one else is/was tall.

Wherefor art thou . . . .

. . . Mallo Cup?

I was watching Good Morning America on Friday. They had a teaser for an upcoming section on discontinued products. And what did I spy on the table but my love, the Mallo Cup. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
I called my mother immediately. Why? Because each year she buys me a package of these delightful chocolates. I had to let her know of the horror. She can only find them in one place these days. I will be stocking up over the holidays. I hope their supply lasts.
I cannot bear to think that baby J will not know the flavors of the Mallo Cup. It's bad enough I'll look like a crazy woman whipping out things like records, tapes, and by then even cds! Now I must add to this the yearly removal of the Mallo Cups from the freezer (hopefully not freezer burned).
The only glimmer of hope is that GMA is wrong. Boyers Candies shows no sign of discontinuing the product on their web page. However, maybe they've discontinued updating that too though.
Teaberry gum, Necco waffers, and some other lovely products were also displayed on that table. I don't chew Teaberry gum often at all, but I'll miss Hershey's Teaberry ice cream! Maybe the two are not tied together and I'll still be able to enjoy the latter - ya know every 7 years or more when I find myself in Cooks Forest at the Hershey's Ice Cream stand. I'm like a locust in this respect.

exile

I suggest you meditate on the theme of exile. Here are some questions to get you started. 1. Have you ever been shunned by people you care about? 2. Do you know what it's like to unwillingly leave a place that has made you feel safe and secure? 3. Can you remember the desolation that came over you when you found yourself wandering in the middle of nowhere? 4. Has it been a challenge to connect with your tribe or be at peace in the land that makes you feel at home in the world? Whatever your exile is, Virgo, the coming weeks will be an excellent time to figure out how to heal it.

That is my Freewill Astrology for this week. I like it. I often like them and I used to check them weekly. I've been forgetful and lax since leaving my job. I have a schedule now but my schedule then was all about me and so I remembered things like my horoscope. Let me answer the questions for everyone - why not.
1) Yes. I used to think I was the black sheep of my family. I don't anymore. Where I was different and always odd girl out, now we're all different. And during my black-sheepdom I was not shunned. The shunning came later for a brief time. It was a ridiculous matter and I won't go into it further but to be shunned is painful, especially for something ridiculous.
2) Yes. I'm stronger than I know and more fragile than I'd like. We moved when I was in second grade, in the middle of the school year. I went from a neighborhood with kids I'd known since birth to a rural area with no friends. I used to walk out of my door and have kids all around and one day there was no one. Just cold, desolate fields. It took me having the realization late in middle school that a friend who had moved there years after me had adapted better and faster. I was still considering myself "new" in the close knit school. 'Cmon, I realized, I'd been there since 2nd grade! I'm slow to adapt sometimes though I try harder now.
3) Nope. I don't recall wandering in the middle of nowhere. I'm racking my brain to think of a time or place. I've been to some remote parts of Utah but I was not alone and felt more awe than desolation.
4) A resounding yes. Connect with my tribe? Regardless of what you consider your tribe, what I consider mine is not in one place and impossible to connect with physically. Not being physically near one another makes maintaining connectedness extremely difficult.
At peace in the land that makes me feel at home in the world? Ugh. I don't know where that is! This is a struggle for me and has been for years. I have recently written about part of this - the internal flip-flopping I do over staying here or moving to TX (when in fact the decision won't be mine anyway so why stress). I very much want to find this part of the world or succumb to making where I'm at now this place. This is a process, and one that more than anything needs my offering of patience.

None of the above exiles are the one my horoscope immediately brought to mind. My current exile is myself or the separation/loss/change/departure of myself. Where am I? There don't seem to be enough hours in the day to find me, nurture me, entertain me, develop me, nourish me, or anything me.
I know these horoscopes are self-fulling prophecies (if you choose to fulfill them - hence the freewill aspect), and I love them because they are written in a way to make you think. This one I felt. I felt the exile immediately and recognized that yes, I do need to heal.
It's not going to be easy. I've tried before. I've done the 1 step forward 2 steps back thing. I really need to commit and make, well, myself a priority. Time will have to be carved out and I'll have to adapt. I should really be excited to meet the me I find on the other side of exile. I think I am.

I got the Garrett nose

I got my hair chopped yesterday. I hope it's not "mommy" hair but too bad if it is - too late now. I did not get it cut to make it easier to deal with or to limit the pulling & tugging by baby J. I got it cut based on the vast amount of hair I've lost.
When J was 2mo old I started losing hair and assumed it was post-baby only to find out it was not. Instead I was told it was from going cold turkey on the high level of blood thinners I was taking. Fast forward to October, J is 7mo old and now I'm not sure if this round of massive hair loss is baby-related or fall shedding. I tend to shed my hair like a dog in the fall. It's gross.
In any case, by the time the October hair loss started, I had sprouts of regrowth from the May shedding. So I was looking even more like a dog - a very mangy one. That or maybe I am part Peruvian Hairless?!?! In any case, I had my haircut in September to deal with the new sprouts. It would take forever for them to reach my mid-back, my pre-September hair length. But with even more falling out I was going to still look ridiculous with my above-the-shoulder bob. So I went back under the scissors.
Now it's officially short. I like it though. I can't hide my tattoo without a turtleneck now, but oh well. That's another benefit to staying home (for work, not like a hermit or anything), now I can fully become the alternative, vegetarian, tree-hugging, hippie mama that I know lurks in me somewhere. I may have to ramp things up to vegan to fully make this work.
In any case, the new hairdo supposedly makes me look younger (you can be the judge). I hope it does! But what I really think it makes look different on my face is my nose. It's huge. I had not realized how huge it had become. It was camouflaged somehow by my long locks - not that I wore them Cousin It style in front of my face, but still somehow longer hair detracted from the schnoz.
It may be an old wives tale, but I read or heard, more than once, that your nose never stops growing. Looking at some family members on the Garrett side, I have to agree. And lucky me - I have the Garrett nose. It's large, it's growing and it'll surely start frightening young children any day now. Of course baby J will be used to it so I think he'll cope okay - until school though when they make fun of his hippy mom's witch nose. If only it were a lovely, long (even hooked) nose but alas it's just growing more bulbous. Joy.
So from under the scissors I will now become more self critical and begin to contemplating going under the knife.
No not really, but maybe. Who knows how far this current path to bout of reduced self-esteem and nose neurosis will go. Stay tuned.

straight from the hairdresser:

It's been awhile - I know you've missed them . . .

What might that be? Why it's the bullet-list blog posting of course!

• What is sleep, Alex? Indeed, what IS sleep? I used to have a baby that slept through the night. For that mater, I used to have an elderly dog who also slept all night and lazily into the morning. In the very least these two could get on the same schedule, but no. Instead we have baby J waking up 1-2x a night because he rolls around too much in his crib and gets "stuck" (not really but in his half-sleep state he's convinced). If it's not that then he's up and wide awake for a good hour in which he gets fed and rocked back to sleep. Ahhh, 3AM how lovely your dark, quiet streets are, that is until the blaring train horn shreds the night and pierces our ears - though not our slumber. Soon I'm back asleep though, that is until Miss Cleo wakes. Apparently 5AM is THE time for an elderly dog to awaken and pee on the floor if not promptly taken out. Oh, and she needs fed - take her back to bed and pooping on the floor as revenge is likely. Sigh. Maybe I should take the melatonin instead of giving it to the dog - then I'll just sleep through all the nonsense.
• I am no social butterfly. I got the worry gene not the party gene - some get both in my family. I'm the wallflower. I like a soft couch and good book far better than a bar or party. They are too loud and too crowded and conversation is impossible. Maybe if I drank but I don't so I'm also bored at these social gatherings . BUT that's not to say I don't get out and socialize. Okay, I don't. But I used to and that's the point. Baby J has never been with anyone but D or I for more than the 2hrs I left him with my mom for an appointment. He needs to get socialized and more adaptable with his routines. And I need to be able to accept some of the invitations I get. The issue? Well, firs there is the before mentioned worry gene. He'll need to be in a safe environment, but he is not used to strangers so it's not going to go well, ugh! So our house, after he's in bed sounds like a plan but alas we've painted ourselves into a corner up here. We're really far north - like an outpost or something and few people want to hike up here. Plus we have the dogs. A babysitter ends up being a basenji sitter which in reality is part lion-tamer (unless you are a dog whisperer - that'll work too, and if you are then we've got a job for you!). It's our own fault and I recognize it. I'm willing to accept it too. However, at some point it seems important for everyone involved that J get some time with others and I/we get some time away from J to hang out with friends. May will come faster than we know and the plan is for him to spend a week with his aunt. How's that gonna work if he's never spent an evening with anyone else let alone at another house? We'd like not to paint ourselves into a second corner for that vacation.
• November here - it's Save A Turkey month with the Save A Turkey 4th Thursday holiday. :) What else is here? COLD! During September I thought how lovely the cool air was and how I was looking forward to fall and even winter. What was I smokin'? I still believe snow is pretty and I want J to have the opportunity to play in it as he grows. And to play in fallen leaves. But I'm back to thinking the cold is not cool.
  
• So if cold is not cool then what? Well, D has already talked to his bosses and they know he's as open to taking a promotion in Dallas as he is in Ohio (well nearly AS open to it - I think OH is still his first choice). I go back on forth with my first choice. The key reason I'd be interested in going to DFW is family. I have family there and so does D, and more importantly they have kids J's age. Sometimes I think I'd have a built-in friendship network but really I have to get away from that. I would still need to forge friendships there to have the social network I'd be comfortable with. Okay, maybe I'm more of a social butterfly than I'm admitting - but I still hate crowded bars and parties though I can't think of any of the latter I've attended since college.
  
• I have no freelance work. Blame the economy? Who knows. My t-shirts are moving forward though. I found an artist local to St. John and hope to have rough sketches by Thanksgiving at the latest. From there we'll settle on the favorites, the fees, and do contracts. Gulp. I'm excited though, really. She sounds really nice and genuinely excited about the venture. I may have her do a website for me also so I can sell the shirts online as well. For those not in the know, the company is Wearable Souvenirs and the shirts are just that. It would be great to get another freelance job or two this winter to pay for this venture in full. I had mistakenly labeled myself as "part-time" on my cover letters. I think that killed my chances. I'm no longer doing that and instead will only take on the size chunk I can do in part-time hours. I hope that helps!
• It's November 12th. I have library books due today but I'm too lazy to want to go to the library. I'm also too lazy, busy, mismanaged to continue the adventure I started earlier this month. I signed up for National Novel Writing Month (NaNoMo). I need (needed) to write about 3 - 3.5 pages a day to get the required 50,000 words by November 30th. I've not ever written a sentence of fiction in my life though (purposely at least) so I was nervous. But I figured if not now then when? The expectations are so low that I might as well just do it and know it will suck if it even gets done. I do still want to do it but I've already lost my umpf. I only have 4 pages and it's the 12th of November!!! I have a full storyline and list of characters and even an outline so I think I just need to make time to dive back into the process. I'm only writing this here to hopefully receive a litany of comments tell me I must write and I'm a loser if I don't. I need motivation - external motivation!
  

Mobile

I've had to move the laptop into J's room. He cannot be left alone. It's not his fault - it's ours. We did not baby proof at the speed we needed. I expected him to crawl by now - he just made it by the end of October deadline. On Halloween our little Jack O. lantern was crawling across the room. D counts the two days before that as when he started with only 2 steps. I disagree, I needed to see more than 2 steps so Halloween it is/was! And well, it wasn't really a deadline but the consensus from friends and family after seeing him at the beginning of the month rocking away on his knees.
Now just a little over a week later and he's crawling over things and down the hall and exploring his world constantly. Toys - who needs toys when the world is at your fingertips?!?! The poor cats are so confused. How can he suddenly get their tails even if they move away?

What I didn't expect for Halloween or anytime soon was that J would also start pulling himself up on things. Last night I could hear his shrieks of delight upstairs with D. When I went up, I was told he had pulled himself up on the bookshelf and was ripping down books left and right. How fun! He's taken a few tumbles and I'm shocked that some don't phase him (face planting on the floor after bouncing off the armoire headfirst) while others cause hysterics (falling backwards and hitting the armoire before sliding onto the floor). Yes, I see the pattern here - that pesky armoire. It's the one spot in the room without carpet.
We rushed out last weekend and bought two area rugs. The one in his room is a very large remnant that covers most of the floor. It's nearly the same color too so it blends. Everyone is much happier now. So now the new question is when will he walk? Some of the same friends have guessed a familiar time frame - 1 month. I'm guessing by Christmas which is what, six weeks?
Now it's time for baby proofing in earnest . . . draw locks, furniture ties, and the simple removal of some items from his room. The plants have already left. Smaller ones have returned in their place because they fit on the newly installed shelf that also houses some breakables. The mini fridge that has not been used in months is going to need to go too. We're a little slow in the baby proofing. We normally do it when we see an immediate need, as in that very moment (i.e. moving the plants).
Autumn and winter prove to be fun! Locked up indoors, away from the cold and flu, J will have ample time to explore every nook and cranny. I will thus have ample opportunities to find things that need fixed, cleaned and moved.

Not sure why he's making the funny face.

DeQuervain's tenosynovitis

That's what I have . . . DeQuervain's tenosynovitis plus a case of intersection syndrome. Fun.

Basically, DeQuervain's tenosynovitis is common in new mothers I read. And carrying J is how I've gotten it. It started when he was 2 months old and was not large enough to sit on my hip and look forward. So I held him facing out with his back against me. Once the right wrist was inflamed, I switched hands thinking that would give the right time to heal. Well, the left is weaker so instead it rapidly became inflamed. That was May. By August my forearms were hurting and I went to the doctor. Tendonitis was the diagnosis and I left with a script for some NSAIDs. I took those daily and wore the recommended wrist braces. The meds helped but then the Rx ran out the pain came back exactly as bad as it had been.
I asked for a referral and saw an orthopedic a couple weeks ago. Now I'm wearing massive wrist braces with metal splints inside. Very pretty. At least they're black which does go with everything. I also have 6 weeks of physical therapy.

I really wasn't look forward to physical therapy. I've gone for my knee in the past. I'm not good at doing the homework so it was a waste of time. My bad, I know. So far though my wrists are so inflammed that I only have stretches - super simple stretches! I'm actually remembering to do them. Icing on the other hand, well, I haven't done that once. I know I should but I just never remember when I actually have time.
The appointments are cool. I have ultrasound done which heats up the tendons making them feel MUCH better. They feel better than any anti-inflammatory every made them feel. Then I stretch and do stregnth stuff . . . then the dreaded ice. Oh, yeah I may not have mentioned I hate icing too so there's that too.
That's the wrist issue. I really hope to get a handle on this and actually cure it. I need to be able to function better than I am now.

Massive Melancholy

'Tis the season - for melancholy. I absolutely love fall but it makes me melancholy because I do not love winter. It's not the snow, or the craziness of the holidays - it's the darkness. It's the painfully dry and cold air that assaults my nose all season.
The crisp fall air is refreshing, especially after a stifling August. Not that I'd categorize this past August as stifling, though we certainly could have used more rain. The smell of the fall leaves is almost as delightful as their color. I relish the change of my closet - bringing the sweaters down from the attic and packing up the sandals. By fall my feet are as ready to be cozy in socks & shoes as they are ready to be free each spring.

I'm especially melancholy today because though my hubby does not leave for his business trip until tomorrow I really will not see him anymore until he returns. He got tickets to the PSU/OSU game and will be home very late. His flight is insanely early so he'll get most of his sleep on the plane. I would rather see him off at the airport than have things operate this way. I hate saying good-bye knowing the person is still around and I could be soaking up more time in their company. Frankly that adds to the melancholy. I'm happy I will see him for a few moments tonight and again in the wee hours of the morning. And in reality four days or so is not that long. I'm even luckier because my mom is coming to stay and keep me company.

I plan to spend my four D-free days working on my scrapbooks, recovering a couple chairs, and getting ready for Halloween. Oh, and of course hanging out with baby J and my mom. I managed to squeeze in an extra physical therapy appointment too (that's a whole other blog). So there are good points, but I will still miss my vbff, D, while he is away.

We are . . . PENN STATE!

Every morning . . .

Every morning when J gets up, we open his curtains and I show him the sunrise. I tell him the colors and about our day. Then we head downstairs for awhile. I peel back the blankets that are keeping dog and cat hair off my couch and we nestle into the corner. J eats breakfast while I take in a little Morning Joe and the Today Show. When J's done eating we cuddle and play. I keep a few toy and books stashed in the living room for morning play. J sits on my lap and in between hugs and smiles we read, watch TV and he plays with his rattles and keys (or the remote if he can convince me it's his). It only lasts about an hour before his morning nap, but it's one of my favorite times of the day - every morning.



Every evening J also has a routine. Can you tell we (I) am schedule driven? After dinner we often take a family walk. With cooler fall nights becoming downright cold our walk is turning into family play time indoors instead. This is really the only time D and J get time to play. As J starts to get tired we get his bath ready, another time for he and D to bond. Then I step in, and it's another favorite time of day for me. I feed J his nighttime bottle, we cuddle, and I rock him to sleep. He chats with me a bit, we listen to the iPod (soothing singer songwriter music and other easy listening hits from the 70s, 80s, 90s AND today). Sometimes I sing to him. Soon he is off to sleep in my arms. He is so peaceful and perfect. It's a wonderful bookend to our morning cuddles and I will repeat it's one of my favorite times of day.

baby J is 7 months today

Yesterday baby J had his 7-month doctor appointment. This is not an appointment most babies have, but we opted to spread out the vaccination schedule so we go every month. Well, we did. He gets a break for 8-months and we'll see what happens for nine. I need to get out my book and read up and then have a lengthy discussion with our doctor. I'm really happy with our choice in pediatricians. She is very candid when discussing which vaccinations she would not be happy with J skipping or delaying and which she is okay with him not getting.
I'm really torn about vaccinations. Reading the literature on both sides is confusing enough but having a study come out saying there is no proof vaccinations are linked to autism at the same time a family is awarded a settlement saying they are linked muddies the water even further. Personally, I think it's probably a mix of things like genetic predisposition, but also including all the toxins in vaccines and our environment. I figure it's better safe than sorry - on both fronts. J is supposed to get 3x the number of vaccines I got as a baby. That's a lot. We've ended up going with something less than the AAP says is a must but still far more than what I had.
This was the first visit in which J had a vaccine reaction too. :( He was cranky all day and seemed to just feel cruddy, plus had a belly ache which was apparent by the very messy diapers and poor little red bum. He woke up a number of times in the night and now is taking extra long naps today. Unfortunately I'm not.
Baby J is growing so fast! He weighed in nearly 2lbs heavier than last month and is nearing 20lbs! (actual weight 18lbs 15oz) They didn't do a height since it was not a "regular" well baby appointment.

I've been making baby food for him now for just over a month. He had a reaction to broccoli, but has enjoyed everything else. Tonight we try beets. I have roasted them and pureed them into an absolutely beautiful shade of red. Now I just need to choose my least favorite bib for him to wear and ruin tonight.
D & I have been eating the same food as J each week. Fresh sweet corn & avocado were first. Butternut squash is not in our normal repertoire so I googled some recipes. We had butternut squash & apple au gratin which was VERY tasty. For the edammame we had an Asian crunch salad (Asian coleslaw essentially - also very yummy). Tonight for the beets we are adding some feta and vinaigrette for a beet salad to accompany our hummus, flat bread and olives. I'm sure it will be delightful. I'm not sure what veggie is on the docket for next week. Maybe I'll let you all decide!

J is almost crawling. Last night I heard my name being yelled and I raced up the stairs. D claimed J took two "steps" (or whatever you call crawling). He did not repeat it for me nor has he done any forward movement this morning. Soon though, very soon.
I bought him some baby legwarmers from etsy last week. I plan to get some fabric paint to add traction. It's so sad to see him struggle on a moving rug or sliding on our hardwood floors. I'll be creating a Penn State leg warmer out of the navy pair I bought, and an argyle one from the tan. I need to de-girl the Family Guy pair that has Brian in a pink collar with pink flowers around it. I'm just going to cover all the pink in red and black. The fourth pair is checkered - think Nascar flag. D hates these, but too bad. I think they're perfect for keeping his little legs warm while he learns to crawl - and beyond!

landscape of over-thinking

Not to be too Paris Hilton right off the bat, but my bff has left the building, the state, the country! Unlike the last friend to leave, this one has all intentions and plans of returning. Ironically, I was visiting with the former whom now resides in Brisbane, Australia (though sadly we were only in Cleveland) when I got a text message that my bff had safely arrived in Delhi, India. Via texts and a surprise phone call last evening, I learned that Delhi airport does not allow you to spend your 5 hour layover in front of a Cinnabon or Sbarro. Instead you must leave and sit in an outdoor lounge area until closer to your flight. I didn't really expect the Cinnabon or Sbarro but the time constraints on staying there was interesting to learn. I'm excited to hear and read more though I know the communication will be limited.
I said my final in-person good-bye the afternoon before she left. It wasn't until I got 3/4 of the way home that I became sad. I'm excited for her and her adventure but I'll miss her. The rest of that evening and the next day her absence became part of the larger landscape of my current mental obsessing . . . the what, where, when, how, and why of my life. Having J didn't automatically answer all these! Go figure.

One big conundrum we're in right now is (one we're actually revisiting) where to live. Luckily the housing market sucks (no, not really luckily) so we don't actually need to be considering options or fretting. That doesn't stop me though. I need to be prepared. When the day comes that the market has bounced back and people are knocking on (and/or down) my door to by my house I must know where I'll relocate. Will it be down the road, down past the Mason-Dixon line, or across the country?
I have two requests in my new home and unfortunately they do not translate into a singular location. The first is family and friends. Staying at home with J, I talk to far fewer people. It would be nice to live near friends and family so I was less lonely and J was able to grow up with a built-in network of kids to play with. The largest group of family lives in Dallas, and there's the bonus of friends there too. And while I of course have friends here, with the exception of the temporarily departed bff, we are not as close as the TX friend and I . . . hence the lonely comment. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not crying or chained to daytime television because I'm friendless or anything. And I am planning to join a mom group so I can have more of a social outlet for myself. I have to say my largest hold out with that is that I don't want to walk into a group of women who are totally unlike me. I want to find people I have common interests with so maybe friendships would more easily evolve. I sorta want to start my own mom's group . . . Progressive Moms of Northern Central Ohio (or something like that). With all the time on my hands, I should have this done by now!
Yeah, yeah back to moving. So why not go to Dallas and have holidays with the family and all the cousins can play together? It doesn't mesh with the second thing I want most - 4 seasons. I really don't want to lose the four seasons. I would move to Dallas short-term but I don't trust myself. I was supposed to be in Ohio under 5 years and 10 later I'm considering sinking the roots further.
It may not sound like a big issue and maybe it shouldn't be, but I think about it a lot. It doesn't help when I must give the financial planner time frames for things like buying our next house. I'm a 'sit still until you KNOW the right decision' type of gal. I don't really take many risks, especially expensive ones. So I will wonder, ponder, fret and obsess though not one of those has ever helped me come to a decision in the past. What is that saying about doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome?

bedtime story

a bedtime story . . .

Once upon a time,
in a land nearby
there was a Papa with puppies.
But the puppies were bad
and they made Papa sad,
nipping and biting all over the land.

Papa called and he wrote
and he prayed and he hoped
the man who could whisper the ways
to make the puppies sit, down and stay
would come his way.

Cats meow and basenjis sing
both waiting for the phone to ring
or the email to ding.

For a new alpha in town
Papa was ready to buckle down.
There'd be work to do,
but it's all for you.

A new day will dawn
as the lazy cats yawn
and the new pack leaders will be
Papa, baby J and me.

The End.

Commenting

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Hope

This has been a really good week for me. I've gotten more than my fair share of great surprises. One surprise was finding out I was going to Barack Obama's rally here and that I was going with VIP tickets. This is the only way I could go considering J needs to eat every 3 hours or so, and D was working in the morning. So? Well, that meant standing in line was not an option for me. With the VIP tickets we showed up and walked right in with the press. It was great to get out for the afternoon and be myself. I love staying home with J, but I've not really had many/any opportunities to spend the whole afternoon doing something I wanted.

[Noelle, Tammie, me]

I wasn't super excited until I saw Obama walking up the stairs. I was happy to be out and thought it would be an interesting event. We were seated with other politicians, and right in front of the bullpen where all the speakers were prepped. I was able to meet a number of people that are currently running for offices at the local, state and federal levels. That was pretty cool. It was especially cool to see how much like me they seemed. Well, most of them seemed shockingly normal, though some had airs about them. We sat next to Danielle Blue who is running for OH state senate. She's really young and so we talked to her about how she got into politics.
Anyway, after all the speakers (Governor Strickland, Cordray - running for AG but currently Treasurer, Senator Sherrod Brown, and Mayor Coleman) Obama came up the amphitheater steps and entered the crowd just in front of us. I was ridiculously excited at that point and I think I may have squealed with delight. What is it about him? I heard him speak at the convention in 2004 and he is eloquent and charismatic. So is it just that, charisma? I have to think it's more than that as I've met other charismatic people. Maybe it's that charisma is often mixed with charm and I often find the latter suspicious. I believe part of Obama's appeal is that he oozes authenticity.
The economy is on everyone's minds and that's what he talked about. He touched on healthcare too. Honestly though, when you have to wait in line for hours to see a candidate speak and you make the choice to do that - you're not an undecided voter.

[I got to shake Obama's hand!]

I know I'm voting for Barack Obama.

Barack Obama's proposals are the ones that will help me, all my friends and all of my family. . . and the country.

I'm a stay-at-home mom now. I'm supposed to be working from home but there's just not much part-time work to be had. I do sometimes worry that I did not chose the best time to quit a job that was really stable. I'm also starting a second business, t-shirts. So I'll be one of those small business owners everyone likes to discuss at rallies and debates. I'm voting for Obama because I like his tax plan. His tax plan is for working families. The current model hasn't created a sound economy but the opposite and families are suffering incredibly. We really can NOT afford more of the same. I need a change, and so does my 401k!

When I was working, in a white collar field, even I saw jobs being sent overseas. I saw U.S. vendors being told "no" while we sent stuff to India. No wonder when I try to find a freelance job with those vendors there are none to be had. It made my stomach turn when I saw it in the office, and it still does (just now it's a more personal, close-to-home reason). I'm tired of seeing jobs disappear. I noticed Wal-Mart doesn't even promote that it's goods are Made in the USA anymore. They have the same cheap, dangerous Chinese-made crap that everyone else does. I want to buy American. I want to see factories making goods here. I cannot support any politician that supports sending jobs overseas. Obama is the candidate that opposes this, not McCain. This is a BIG issue for me.

I'm frightened that I would not be approved for healthcare, or even individual services through my provider. I could go bankrupt if I got sick - even though I have "good" coverage. We've worked hard to have what we have and I don't want to lose it. Though Obama's healthcare proposals are not as widespread as I like, something needs to happen. His plan doesn't include tax increases, but I'd gladly pay a little or even a lot in taxes to know I would stay healthy and solvent.

I want my son to enjoy the outdoors. I want him to be able to sit in the sun at the beach and feel it's warmth without worrying about skin cancer. I got to do that when I was little. I want him to be able to hike in the woods, see the arches and hoodoos in our western national parks, know what polar bears are, and rain forests too. There is so much awe-inspiring beauty in this country, in the world, and baby J deserves to enjoy it and feel the sense of awe we all do. All of our children and grandchildren deserve better than what we are preparing for them.
We need a big change in our energy policy not only for the environment but for our foreign policy as well. We need to get out from under our middle Eastern oil addiction. We need to invest in Earth's natural energy - the sun and wind. Drill-baby-drill won't help us for nearly a decade and even then it's the tiniest of band aids. I want a REAL solution and I want it now. Obama has a 10 year goal. I like that. I like that he's willing to put out timetables that he can be held accountable to.

I love America. I'm very independent and admittedly left of mainstream, so I value freedom. It's what our country was based on; it's what our forefathers fought for; it's what my grandfather fought for. So I cannot vote for those who want to destroy our Constitution and the freedoms granted to us within it. Obama (though more of a moderate than I) has a much more respectful stance towards our Constitution than his opponent . . . reason 5 I'm voting for him.

The economy, jobs, environment & energy, healthcare, and the foundation of our country . . . these are the issues that are important to me. Well, I should say they are the issues that are most important to me.
I was raised Christian in a lower middle-class family in a very small town in mid-Atlantic America. I have taken the values I was raised with (by a staunchly Republican father who taught government & politics in high school and a mother who has been both a Republican and a Democrat) and used them to find my way in politics.
I've taken the compassion and love taught in Christianity and turned that into my desire to help my fellow human. I believe that social programs are essential in this country and a moral obligation. I've taken my upbringing in a lower middle class family in a small town and I've turned that into my desire for jobs to stay here. My home town is really depressed and it's sad. There is potential there but the jobs are gone. I've taken what my father taught me about our government and I LOVE our country, history and politics. I'm amazed at how forward thinking our forefathers were and how amazing a country they were able to create the foundation for - this is my love of Freedom.

I'm voting for Barack Obama.

He's inspiring. His ideas are finally a real change for this country in a direction we need. His plans will help us all. He is authentic, intelligent, and well-spoken. He is presidential.

For more information on his policy or if you question things I've written please visit one or both of these websites:
Barack Obama & Joe Biden 2008
PolitiFact.org

September

I'm a little late with this, but I wanted to write about J's September. It was a big month for him! He reached the 1/2 a year mark mid-month. I can't believe it. And everyone here and in TX kept saying, "Oh six months is such a good age." I know. But those comments only make me sad that he's growing up so fast. I know each stage will have it's pros and will be a good age or fun age or something. I just know to some extent the days of him being happy being held so much will be short-lived. I'm excited about what will replace that but sad too. I try to not to concentrate on either emotion and just enjoy the moment. I think that's why we're already into October and I've not written this.
Starting at the end of August, J had cereal for the first time. We went ahead and started solids a couple weeks "early" for a few reasons. One was that I wanted him either eating them well or not yet eating them at all when we traveled. The second was that he was cutting his first tooth. His bottom right center incisor was the first to erupt. Almost immediately the left showed up too. Now his smile and laugh are even more incredibly cute.
He started with rice cereal and moved on to oatmeal rather quickly. Now he mainly eats oatmeal though I think I will move on to multi-grain or barely soon, just so he has some variety. His first veggie (or fruit technically) was avocado. It didn't need cooked so it was chosen as the first. He liked it after he got over the shock of eating it. Second was broccoli but he hated it (sobbing on day 2) and he had a mild reaction. We abandoned broccoli for fresh sweet corn. He liked that. Now we're finishing up peas, and I have a butternut squash on the counter that I plan to cook today. I'm trying to incorporate his food with ours. So I'm planning to use the squash in our meal tonight as well. We're having butternut squash & apple gratin (and I'm adding fake chicken). I think beets will be next but maybe green beans if I can find some fresh somewhere. If not, I'm not opposed to frozen - the peas were frozen. I also have edamamme and I'm considering trying a legume (maybe lentils).
September also marked J's first plane ride. He did great. He slept and played both ways. He also did pretty well with his schedule being all messed up during vacation. He stayed up late, slept in funny place, and only had a couple meltdowns. I did not do as well. I'm not the best traveler, but by just doing it and forcing myself hopefully I'm helping him to be better with it than I am.
I think he learned to roll over in September, if not it was late August. I should recall these things! I do have a little video so I can go back and look at the date on it. Now he rolls all over and is up on his knees, rocking back and forth with the occasional face planting as he tries to move forward. He's got all the movements, he just needs to coordinate them now. Yesterday he was working quite hard on learning to sit up. He can sit up if you place him in that position but he was learning to get here on his own. He's close. That will mean the crib needs lowered!
We're totally not ready for all this mobility yet! The house isn't ready, the dogs aren't ready (oh that's a blog all on it's own - and not a happy one - stay tuned) - not ready!
too, but with the addition of the fleece he needs on these cool fall nights, it's a bit snug. I think he's just about outgrown it. I'm not sure if we'll get a backpack or not. We'll probably be able to use the We got out his jogging stroller when we returned from TX. He seems to really like it. It's better for all the bumps on the walk and he gets to snuggle in with a blanket. We still use the frontpackfrontpack a few more weeks and that will get us deep into fall and downright cold temps. Then he'll have to be in the stroller, bundled up nice and snug. We'll what we need in the spring.
I have to say, I'm so excited for him to experience every season. While the economy & housing market has made our decision to stay in OH for us, the desire for J to know fall & winter is also making me want to stay here. TX fall & winter is the same season, cool and blah. I think I'd rather have snow! I know he won't really get to enjoy the seasons this year. The next few years he'll get to do a little more each time fall & winter roll around. I have fond memories of those seasons as a child and I want him to have that opportunity too. We'll see how life evolves.

Work

I'm sure there are more than two types of people when it comes to work, but off the top of my head I can only think of two. 1) Live to work types . . . they love their jobs, found their calling, or are simply workaholics. 2) Work to live types . . . they do the job and go home.

I've always been a type 2. I'm glad that when I got into the corporate world and began my life in a cubicle, I had a boss that didn't want us staying late. First it was because we got paid for overtime and there was no budget for that. Then it was simply because we should have been able to get our work done and go home. There was not enough work to become a martyr.
I work to live. I've often wondered if this is just who I am or if it's because I've not found my calling yet. I was undeclared in college. Then I proceeded to get a workstudy job in the career center where I took every personality test I could. I met with each advisor in case I'd have an epiphany with one. It never happened.
As we graduated, everyone seemed to have such a clear idea of the path they were taking. Jobs were secured, and graduate schools entered. I took a part-time job at a veterinary clinic to get the hours I needed for vet school. I ended up hating the job and moved on to the before mentioned cubicle job within 6 months.

I'm lucky to have had the opportunities I have. I call it luck because I have never and still do not know what to do when I grow up. So the fact that I ended up with a skill set that allows me to work from home while raising baby J can only be luck. Maybe it's divine intervention, the universe taking care of me, something other than luck but I guarantee you it's not my own grand plan.
With that being said, finding work is proving harder than I'd hoped. I've seen plenty of people move on to freelance. Many of them secure work immediately and that first contact leads to more and more work. I had hoped the same would happen when I got a job right away. So far it has not led to another. I'm not desperately in need of work, but I may be soon if the dry spell continues.

All in all, I'm trying to look at the bright side and take this slow time as an opportunity. It's an opportunity to do all the things piling up on the back burner that work would not afford me the time to do. Mainly (on the work front at least) my t-shirt business. I have all the specifications done. I've also found a number of artists by asking people here and from hubby D asking at his work. I even had the radical idea to contact a blog writer in the Caribbean (the theme of my line) and ask for referrals - he gave me two! So now I need to contact them. I'm being a bit skittish about it because I really feel like I need to meet with a lawyer first. I need to know I will have no issues owning the artwork produced. I'm not sure if I can copyright artwork I commissioned but did not create - or is that a trademark or maybe it's neither. See, I need legal help. I called someone but they never got back to me. That's on my list of things to do ASAP.
I'm really excited about the shirts and I wonder if years from now I'll look back and see that this lack of work was another bout of pure "luck."

Past is Prologue (modified)

I come from an extremely small town in Western PA. We have a single stoplight at the junction of two state roads, and a blinking light to warn of a blind spot on a busy road. That's it. There is a DQ, and 7-11, and a handful of small businesses. It's no Mayberry - well, maybe a grungier, redneck Mayberry. Many of the residents are former steel workers, at least a generation removed from their farming ancestors.
I graduated with 86 people in my class. Our high school has grade levels 8-12, with no A/P classes and virtually no options to explore ideas, activities or fields (with the exception of Home Ec and Shop classes I guess). There was an uproar when I was a junior I believe because they were restricting who could take Chemistry II. You had to be in the gifted program. Many of us had taken Chem I, did well, were college bound and wanted Chem II but were told no. Why would educator say no to kids who are eager to learn? Why hold us back like that? It's beyond me. I had two teachers that were wonderful. My biology teacher really prepared me for college work, and our English teacher was extremely difficult but taught me a ton (She made me actually like diagramming sentences!). I could fill another blog on the other teachers and their less than stellar teaching.

Needless to say I was in for a culture shock going to college, in a "city." (Well, Erie is technically PA's 3rd largest city though by most standards it's tiny. My college was downtown though and it was still drastically different than my little town.) I went to a small Catholic college and continued along a pretty conservative path.
Senior year I had an honors class with a Jesuit priest. He'd been an activist for pacifism for decades. Our class was essentially critical thinking - that's it. How awesome is a class that just wants you to think . . . think critically, think outside the box, think for yourself, THINK. Father Susa changed me. I did start thinking. I started to become the Shannon all of you know. I took my Catholic upbringing and used that sense of right and wrong to think about the world.
Surprisingly (well, to me then - not to me now) I ended up moving farther and farther from conservative politics. I was seeing the conservative message in our government not mirroring the Christan teachings I'd been raised with. As I neared my first "real" presidential election, I was really torn. Hindsight is 20/20, but at the time I could not vote for the lesser of what I thought were two evils so I voted 3rd party. Ugh. So my vote helped OH go to Bush because I voted for Nader. And pair that with the state of FL handed to him by his cronies, and ouch we have the last 8 years of horror.
This election had farther reaching effects than forcing me to be more aware about politics, the politicians, and the decisions I make regarding them. Seeing the family values tour of the Bush Administration made me question Christianity.

I was very active in the 2004 campaign. I was shocked that Bush was re-elected. I didn't understand how his lies, ENORMOUS government (and debt), and destruction of our constitution was okay with so many people. My mom said 'you can't change presidents in the middle of a war.' Well, since we didn't we still have a war now and guess what - we're changing presidents one way or another. Yes we can! :) It's amazing how Change, which has been the cornerstone of Obama's platform since the very beginning, has now been adopted by McCain. Hmmm.
Last night I watched the Biden/Palin debate. I have to say I'm insulted by Palin. They call Obama an elitist but I find Palin and her group the same. They look down their noses on those of us who worked hard to educate ourselves. Maybe we really like to learn, really like school, or simply followed the rules our parents put forth and continued with our education. Again, I'm brought back to my small town where it was deemed the right thing to do to keep students from learning and advancing by denying them opportunities. I guess then the fact that our schools rank so low compared to other countries isn't a big selling point for the Palin fans. Who needs education!?!?
Sometimes I feel like common sense no longer exists.
Rich Republicans call Democrats elitist. People using government programs vote for the party that will reduce or remove those programs. People in favor of a small government and fiscal responsibility create the largest government & debt ever. Christians traditionally vote Red, a party that breaks the commandments AND wallows in the seven deadly sins . . . not to mention their complete disregard of the greatest commandment. Love your neighbors as yourself.

I had not planned to end the original blog in such an angry and Palin (vague) manner. And my issue here isn't actually with common sense. I'm really confused and upset over the idea that education is not good. That education makes you an elitest who thinks you are better than others. I resent that. And I don't understand why we want our president to be Joe Sixpack. Do we want our doctors to also be Joe Sixpack?
I used to naively think these politicans were just crazy. I knew no Joe Sixpacks who hated educated people or education in general. But then I realized not only did I know them I was related to them. A few years ago I responded to a political email (one of those forwards) that was sent to all my family from a family member. While the email was mean spirited, I didn't take it that the sender was and neither was my response. I simply said, hey! I fit most of those catgories guys. The response I got (not from the sender) was vicious. I was attacked in part for being educated. What? I was floored. My attacker was really blood related to me? Did they not realize I was following a rule set by their sibling, my parent?
So I don't take kindly to being made to believe as an educated person I am an elitist, that I look down on people, that I want my government to tax everyone to within an inch of their life. I care about my family, my friends, my neighbors, my fellow citizens . . . of the world. I only want to see people everyday people like my friends, family, coworkers and neighbors get what they need and have a chance at their idea of the American dream. Every single Democrat I've ever met shares those ideals.

Rent or Own

I'm a follow the rules kind of girl. I never wanted to admit that but it's true and everyone who knows me know that. So I did well in school, went to college, got married, got a job and then a house. It's the American dream, right?
So here I am. We've been in our home for over 9 years now. Fortunately that was before all the predatory lending, though even then we were qualified for more than we could afford and would have been encouraged to spend.
We looked at fewer houses that we probably should have and fewer than we would have liked. We also didn't see houses in some areas of the city that we now wish our agent had introduced to us. Sometimes we second guess our choice, even 9 years later. Sometimes we still get frustrated that for this to be our dream house we'd have to pour even more money into it.
Don't get me wrong. We've done a lot of work and we love our house. We'd love it more on a quieter street, farther from a railroad crossing, or without our current neighbors. Our house has become a warm, comfortable and relaxing home. The first few years it was a house, but yes now it is a home.

Earlier this week, I received a link to an article touting renting over owning. I have to say it was food for thought. Can a rental feel like home? I think so. Can you find one roomy enough? Of course, and isn't simplifying a good thing too?

I was surprised by my reaction to the article. I'm always on realtor.com looking at homes in this area and other cities. Could I rent? Is it feasible? Would I be happy? Surprisingly I think I could and would.
The article points out that people pour lots of money into their homes and often the increase in equity only keeps up with spending. So when you sell your home you often do not get anymore than what you put into it. So it's not a good investment. If you rent but put all that money into something in which you earn interest you come out farther ahead. (The article doesn't simplify it quite so much of course.) It's an interesting idea.
After being in our house for 9yrs in a city that avoided the sharp increase (and hence the decrease) in housing prices. So the equity we now have in our house IS almost exactly what we've put into it with upgrades. Hmmm.

Honestly, part of why I'm willing to consider renting in the future is my recent rip to Texas. My sister-in-law recently moved into a brand new apartment complex. It was modern (open concept, stained concrete floors) and beautiful. If it had an additional bedroom and allowed pets (maybe it does) I could be sold!

Focus

I'm lacking focus. I cannot seem to really focus on writing. I've had time over the past few days where I could have been writing here but instead all I did was think about my dear little blog. I'm not sure what to write about. I'm even having trouble writing this.
Trouble. The trouble is not a lack of desire to write but more of a block. I know I'll get here and end up with a little update. I might as well call this a list of lists instead of a blog.
I'll admit part of the problem is audience. I'm not sure I even have an audience let alone who they are and why they're reading. That's only a fraction of the issue though because my posts have rarely been related to or spurred by an audience. I've considered republicizing my blog with potentially new readers. Then I feel like I'd actually have to commit to writing though. And I'd need a focus with which to lure them.
The obvious focus would be J. I spend the vast majority of my day tending to his needs and interacting with him. I could easily write a blog all about him, and I've considered that as a viable option. I'm not exactly keeping up with the baby book so having a blog to refer back to for important things would be nice. Well, because of course someday I'm going to write all that down!
But I'm not just mommy. I've only been mommy in fact for 6 months and while it is all consuming now, I'm still me. Surely I can find grown-up things to write about, but honestly past pop culture and politics I'm not sure what that would be. I have a tendency to drift into whining and that wouldn't increase the size of the audience.
I feel like I've been battling this blog nearly since it began. I loved it when I had my travel blog. It was focused. I felt good about what I was saying though I still don't believe I had much of an audience. But THIS blog has been a horse of a different color. It's not been a source of much of anything positive for me though it has potential. With that being said, I just can't say good-bye to it quite yet. Instead, I will again tell it, myself, and my audience that I'll write more often and better.
Oh yeah, and I should also mention - I take this way too seriously!

Hola Tejas!

Today was our first full day back from our trip to Texas. We spent just about a week there. It was J's first plane ride (he did great). We spent the whole time mainly just hanging out, waiting for Ike to arrive. Little did we know he'd breeze right by DFW and slam into the midwest (including central Ohio here). We came home to power and little damage so we're happy. Now it's time to settle back into routines.
Here are some of the details . . . .


I was nervous. I was worried J would cry uncontrollably. He didn't. He fussed a little here and there but for the most part was great. He was the hit of the second leg of our Southwest Airlines flight from STL to Dallas. He got a 1st flight certificate and a pair of wings. Very cute. They were all super nice to him and J returned the favor by flirting non-stop with anyone and everyone he could see. He loves to smile.
We landed in late afternoon and by the time we got through traffic to D's sister's dinner was waiting for us and J had gotten his late afternoon nap. J was more than a little overwhelmed with excited cousins crowding his space (before this he probably didn't realize he had such a large comfort zone), new faces, new places, and a new bed! He had a meltdown which led to a hasty night ritual but he did sleep all night.
We spent our first day visiting, and our second day at Grapefest (just in the evening). Ike was hitting the coast and vendors were packing up since he was heading through DFW, supposedly. Saturday it rained but not even heavy rain and not all day. We had a group photo and then went to a wedding shower with more family (my side this time). That night was all about Guitar Hero and a quest for D first to beat Slash and later the Devil before we headed home.
J continued to do well, rolling with the punches of yet more new faces, staying out way past bedtime, using a stroller in a new fashion, photos (ugh), and the time change. He was a real trooper. He only really had the one meltdown the first night.

Stay tuned for tales from the second half of the trip, another night.