Eating like it's Spring

I'm a vegetarian so it would make sense that I like salad. Though in my case, this is reversed - I've come to like salads because as a vegetarian often times salad is the only item available for me. Becoming a weight watchers lifetime member solidified my salad love. The lower the points the more I love it!

With the change of season, I've gotten out fall and winter clothing, and I've come to the joyous realization that even my fat pants are snug. So salad it is. This is a little bothersome because the toddler boy needs "real" food. So far it's worked out fine but I know long-term this will become and issue. Stay tuned. For now though, I thought I'd share my approach to the boring SALAD.

First and foremost is prep. During the summer I frequented the farmer's market and whatever was in-season and looked good was what I got. Normally though, I buy whatever lettuce is on sale or a mix of different greens that strike my fancy. I'm not above the bag of salad either.

Tip: Though the following idea may sound obvious, I thought it was pure genius (thanks AJ for sharing) . . . wash the lettuce, dry it, store it, and serve it in a giant salad spinner. It works great to have everything ready to go and keeps me from derailing due to well, let's call a spade a spade here, complete laziness. Personally, I also store the veggies in the salad spinner that I will want in each type of salad. For instance, something like cucumber I may use in every salad, whereas carrot I would not so I'd leave the carrots in their bag, not the spinner.

Next you have all your toppings and quite frankly this makes or breaks a salad in my opinion. I like to have all the toppings on hand for any type of salad I could possibly decide to want for dinner. This also helps keep me on the straight and narrow because if I was in the mood for miso I would potentially bail on the salad if I didn't have what was needed for a miso salad. I try to fool-proof everything so the salad is actually the fastest and simplest thing to eat for dinner, besides a bowl of cereal of course.

Here is where I contradict myself and say next is NOT the toppings but figuring out which salads you like best and may want to make. Below is my list of favorites, check them out and they may be your new favorite too!

Bobby Flay's Sophie's Chopped (served at Mesa Grille)

CPK's Field Greens

Molly Woo's Miso Salad (aka House Salad)

Panera's Fuji Apple (sans chicken)

CPK's BBQ Chopped (sans chicken)

The others are my recipes which I will describe briefly below each.

Taco Salad

This is a modern version of my moms 1980s taco salad with Catalina dressing and Taco Sauce. I add black beans, veggies, and non-iceberg lettuce in this. It is requested each time I visit family & friends in Texas.

Cheddar Apple

I love cheddar and apple together and often eat that as a sandwich on a baguette or ciabatta bun with some honey mustard. Take it off the bread and put it into a salad - WaLa!

Wedge Salad

I think you probably know this one; it's not really my recipe. Of course I use fake bacon in mine. I always have tomatoes as well and sometimes diced cucumber for extra veggies. This is my only iceberg lettuce salad; sometimes I just really want the crisp, watery iceberg.

Santa Fe Lime

I just made up that name though the salad is real. This is based around a couple things - jicama, black beans, and Lime Vinaigrette (one of my current loves). I have no clue what makes it Santa Fe in my mind considering I've not had anything like this when visiting Santa Fe. Maybe it's actually more San Diego? Who knows. I don't particularly care; it's good and I like it.

This many salad recipes may sound like you'll need to keep a lot of ingredients on hand, but that's not really true. I could make all but the wedge salad right now and that's due to the iceberg lettuce. Most of these salads have similar ingredients. Once you have determined your favorite salads look at the ingredients and make your grocery list from that. It is important to me to have just the right dressing; I have two shelves on the door of my fridge full of dressings. Again this is to keep from being derailed by my salads being too far off the mark from the original, not satisfying and hence leading to desserts (yes, plural).

Once you've bought your toppings - from veggies to beans and from croutons to fancy imported cheeses - organize and store them in a way that works for you. I keep all my salad fixings in one drawer in the fridge and on one shelf in the pantry so I can see it all. Then I grab and go for whatever I have in mind. Remember, these are your favorite salads so you won't need a recipe. Likely you've eaten these a million times so you know exactly what to grab!

Tip: Looking to add crunch without the wasteful calories of a crouton (I'm not really anti-crouton but WW's point system is.)? Try roasted garbanzo beans. They're easy to make, packed with protein and add the needed crunch to a salad. Use 1 TBS of olive oil per can of beans. Drain and rinse the canned beans and place in bowl - add the oil and your whatever seasonings you like. Don't be shy with the seasoning! The beans need flavor so add about 2 teaspoons of dried seasoning per can plus salt to taste. If you like them plain just add salt, pepper and the olive oil and bake. You'll want to watch these the first time you make them. My first batch was undercooked and my second nearly overcooked. Bake at 450 degrees for 30-40 minutes. They crunch up slightly more once cooled too. I set the timer for 10 minutes and shake the pan each time it goes off to stir them a bit. Enjoy!

Though autumn has arrived with all it's comfort foods, I will be eating as if it's spring and summer until those skinny pants are fitting again. I need to locate my weight watcher's book with all the points. I'm seriously not buying a new wardrobe. It's becoming my MO to end with a question, so . . . . what's YOUR favorite restaurant salad (or salad of your own creation)?

Considerations

As fall approaches it's naturally a time of change. I used to pass a reservoir on my way to work each day, and I always noticed the seasonal turnover of the lake each fall. The mix of water color across the lake was mesmerizing to me. And not surprisingly, the beautiful scene gave me a sense of melancholy. Where changes in the spring, be it lake turnover, budding trees, or melting snow, fill me with exuberance, I get melancholy this time of year. I love fall and I can handle change. I guess I'm a summer girl though and it's harder to transition into fall regardless of how much I love it once I do. This year I can feel the itch for change and I can see that in others too.

I'm considering a number of changes, from how I interact with people to the table we eat dinner at, and my head is swirling with the possibilities. I may spend my evening at the library tonight just trying to think through it all, and only because the zoo is closed. During our visit today I could have sat in the aquarium for hours. I made a mental note to return there with a notebook some rainy afternoon.

Do you feel an autumnal desire to make a change or changes in your life? I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours - comment below! Okay, okay I'll give you a sample, but it's a utilitarian change, nothing exciting. I'm hoping to change how I approach my computer time with a 'Kick the E-mail Habit 30-day Challenge.'

"When you're finished changing, you're finished." - Benjamin Franklin

Here and There

As I admitted in my last post, I've been, well, busy. Perhaps I should find a synonym that annoys me less. In any case, I also mentioned I'd carved out time for a few things including weekend trips. Below are the highlights - enjoy!

On or around July 4th we began to stew in unending heat and humidity. This has continued with cool offs only a few days here and there up through this week. Today it's 90 and we're in the midwest so that's neither normal or abnormal but still hot (for us). I remember feeling like I was melting when we went to the parade and watched Mr. Franklin read the Declaration of Independence.

Our mid-summer vacation was to the lake, as in the one D spent summers at growing up. It's about 40 minutes north of my parents' home so we bookended the trip visiting them. The lake is small, about a mile wide and probably triple that in length. It has a turn of the century (the last century) amusement park on it which sadly is in need of much repair. At the other end of the lake from the park is an extremely small town, and surrounding it all is rural Pennsylvania. It's quiet. It's beautiful. And we wish we could spend more time there, but alas. Last year J was afraid of the water. He has a lot more fun this year but was still wary of the blue gills that would swim right up and bump your toes or legs.

We celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary in August. As usual we discussed the options of going away versus doing absolutely nothing. And as usual we ended up somewhere in-between. We visited a conservation center, that works with zoos all over the world, and took a safari tour. It was cool but we both think it would have been better if we'd done a sunset tour as it would have been cooler, and more animals would have been active. Now we know what to do next time!

We traveled over this past weekend, Labor Day, to visit my parents and the fair we grew up attending each year. This is a small fair but it still has vendors offering elephant ears, not just funnel cakes, so clearly it's awesome. I like a small fair. I don't need six vendors selling me burritos when one or two is fine. I don't even need a butter sculpture.

This was J's first fair. We went through the animal barns first - horse, cows, pigs, goats, sheep and then the beloved chickens. Not surprisingly this was J's favorite barn. We had to go through it twice. My father met us there after we were done with the barns and the chickens were the only ones J wanted to show him. Of course I too love the chickens and so much so that I didn't actually get any photos of J's excitement as he ran through the aisles. I was too busy getting close-ups of the birds and working through my own excitement. My bad.

After the animals we hit the center field of tractors - so many tractors. J was equally happy here. Then we moved on to lunch, games, and of course dessert (the elephant ear!!!!). It was cold and rainy but overall still a good time and a nostalgic way to welcome fall.

Put up or Shut up

I've been so busy. I hate when people say that. But I know sometimes it's actually true, and when it is I don't mind hearing it. I've actually been so busy myself for the past few weeks. I've been working on freelance work in all my spare time and that's why there have been no blogs. I did manage to carve out time to celebrate my birthday, take a couple weekend trips out-of-town, and put up a bunch of goodies.

Our CSA came to an end last week; that's a little on the early side but we knew that going in. Between that, the farmer's market, our garden, and a trip to the berry farm, I've been able to freeze and can quite a bit of things. I froze two types of jam, blue berries, pesto, and corn. I hope to get at least one more batch of pesto frozen this weekend. I love pesto and I'll know next year to plan 7 or 8 basil plants since the 5 I have has not yielded as much as I would have liked. I've also discovered that though I love basil, I absolutely adore rosemary and it's likely my favorite herb.

There should be a name for this time of year, between summer and fall. The days are noticeably shorter and range wildly in temperature - today is 90 here but yesterday was 80 and tomorrow is forecasted to be in the 70s. That's crazy but also so normal for this time of year that clearly needs a name. It's also when gardeners are inundated with tomatoes and zucchini. We only grew tomatoes this year. We have 8 heirloom plants and they are massive, however they're not yielding a crazy amount of fruit. I've gotten enough to freeze some pints of salsa as well as a handful of containers of oven roasted tomatoes, however I've had to supplement from the farmer's market. I also got 12 pints of tomatoes canned. I hope the remaining tomatoes ripen in time for this weekend so I can move on to quarts and do a last batch.

This is my first year of canning and that is the source for my blog title - Put up or Shut Up. I've been talking about wanting to can for at least two seasons now. I spent most of the summer filling our freezer, hesitant to actually get the canning supplies out and try my hand at it. Well, it's easy! I'm so excited to have successfully canned peach butter, tomatoes and jelly (okay the latter wasn't a success but that was an issue with overly juicy peppers not their processing) that I'm looking forward to apple butter, applesauce, and even soups this fall! Now I need a place to store all these goodies in the basement. Of course I'm set on something vintage, so I've been scouring Craigslist.

Admittedly I could have also called the post Put up AND Shut Up considering ever since the arrival of a large box of canning jars and accessories from my mom arrived, D has been bugging me about using them. He didn't think I actually would and that they'd just take up space. Ah, but now they are taking up space and filled with garden fresh fruits and veggies for winter. Someone will have to shush now.

Comments

I've been gone awhile - just really busy. I have quite a few things I'd like say, but still no time. Just wanted to say that comment moderation has been enabled. Got some comments that were odd to say the least so I'll moderate them for awhile or forever. Whatev. More later.

Various

I haven't done a "various" blog post in a long time. I've sort of missed them - have you? As per my tradition, these are mainly updates.

- Breaking my own rule right out of the gate, as this is not an update. Ha! While it could have been about 5 degrees cooler everyday last week, I generally like heat and humidity especially in the early evening when the blazing sun is below the trees. I appreciate the sun for keeping us all alive, don't get me wrong. I just don't like it blazing down directly on me. I prefer the same 90 degree temperature but with indirect sun. I'm not at all picky though.

We finally tried out the fountains at Ballantrae Park in Dublin. Anything that is compared to the Easton fountains is an automatic negative for me so I was a little leery. However, it was great! Absolutely no shade but considering J insisted I remain at his side (I don't blame him since we didn't go with other kids) it was fine because I was soaked. I hope to go again this afternoon and this time I'll wear my bathing suit. I've decided I'm too impatient for the "quick" dry of quick dry shorts. I hope to get some photos this afternoon too - cross your fingers!

- Our house is still being "landscaped," though right now it looks more like a foreclosure-scape. Perhaps we were too hasty in ripping out the hedges. It looked better at first but now the once empty beds with freshly tilled dirt are dry and full of weeds. Very attractive. D spent May beside himself over how horrible it looked; fretting that all eyes were on his eye-sore of a yard. Worried that all the neighbors were whispering and pointing. June was a month of acceptance that it is what it is. Now in the heat of July we're simply waiting. Waiting to get on our landscaper's schedule now that we've finally gotten quotes from him for the work. They'll be prepping all the beds in the front, and D will then plant the trees and shrubs himself. Of course we cannot get any of this done until the masonry company repairs our brick wall (ah yeah, rebuilds our brick wall). Seems I failed to mention the pile of bricks in our front side yard. Pretty. Supposedly that work will be done this week though it was supposed to be done last week. All I know is even I'm starting to think the house looks like complete ass outside.

- After two grueling, yes grueling, weeks of working on our adoption profile, I took a copy to our attorney on Friday. Attorney or lawyer - is there a difference? I like attorney better but I'm not sure why. I use lawyer more but I think only because it's faster to type.

Anyway, I seriously spent every single naptime and every single evening working on this thing for nearly two weeks. I had to locate images, scan them, color correct them, crop them, re-size them and then finally place them into the document. I used Word and if you don't already know, Word doesn't like too many images in one document. And if you get the images too close to one another, no amount of wrapping voodoo will keep them from dancing all over the page however they like, which I assure you is not how you like. I'll claim it was my mad Word skillz but maybe it was also having a Mac now that made this easier than in the past. However, once I added textboxes for all my captions it was on. Fun times. I'm so glad to be done! I have to give a shout out to AJ who was beyond, beyond, beyond helpful with the entire project. She spent most of her day on Thursday looking over every single page and emailing me thoughts for each one. I know I thanked her but I have to do so once more - THANK YOU, AJ . . . you rock! And I would be remiss not to thank everyone else who also helped. This thing was 26 pages of photos and answers to about a dozen questions. It was time consuming for everyone - THANK YOU ALL!!!!!!!!

Our attorney will be looking over it this week and letting us know if it's good, correct, awesome, I'm not sure what. I'm assuming that since we followed his suggested guidelines I'll have little or no additional work to do. I'll have more printed and we'll be all set for the long period of waiting. Of course "long" is a relative term and I have no idea how many weeks or months that could be. I'm thinking positively though so not that long.

- My attempt to eat less sugar has had a reverse affect. I find that often happens and it's got to be subconscious. I'm not dieting so there's no internal mantra of "don't eat sugar" or "don't eat this, don't eat that." If there was then I'd understand the reverse happening. I had just hoped to make better choices but alas I think I've been making worse choices!

At this rate, I will not have a very good habit formed going into fall which (no pun intended) is my downfall. Once Halloween hits all bets are off through Pi Day in March, well really through J's birthday two days later. What else is one to do in the midwest in winter other than bake and use up all those frozen summer berries?

- Speaking of summer berries, my collection from last summer is thankfully still good. I taste-tested them this morning. I plan to make two mixed berry galettes this week - one for our visit to the lake, and one for a family reunion. We are traveling again for another long weekend. I hope to hit a flea market or two while in WM. I can't seem to find any around here and I'm looking for a vintage pizzelle maker. Yeah, more baking, I know. I have my great-grandmother's pizzelle recipe and I really want to start making them and perfecting them. I suspect it will take awhile.

I only have three old family recipes . . . kolachi (I can't seem to find a universal spelling on that), pizzelles, and tomato gravy. The first two are my great-grandmother's and the latter is my grandmother's on the other side (as in my mom's not my dad's). I love them all equally, but I do wish they had more of their old friends in my recipe book.

Speaking of family, I found a photograph of a headstone with what is, according to my dad, either my great-great grandmother or great-aunt's name on it. He's leaning towards the latter. I looked up the name on Ancestry.com and found a couple close hits in the 1930 census records. Of course you have to have a paying account with Ancestry.com to view the record. Has anyone signed up with them? Did you get your money's worth out of it? I'd love to do family trees on both sides for my dad and the one on my mom's that is currently non-existent.

- One final update and it's a sad one. Sorry to end on a bum note. Our kitty Gato died this week. He was 12 years old and seemingly in good health. D found him dead one morning.

Gato was awesome basically. He had a wonderfully friendly and outgoing kitty personality. I don't think anyone ever met him and didn't like him. He was a huge (as in big-boned though I'll admit a little heavy too) orange tabby tomcat. A gentle giant though, he would never even fight back when one of the dogs was after him. At most he'd punch them and wait for help. But, if his sidekick Tatey was the one cornered Gato would turn into a ninja. Out of nowhere he'd jump down onto one of the dog's backs, biting and scratching to create a diversion and escape for Tate. It was shocking and comical at the same time. We love our dogs but they're little shits and they deserved whatever Gato gave them.

Gato had one issue, he was territorial (aka he sprayed sometimes). This became a huge issue at the other house but we were able to work through it and fix the damage to the house and stop him from continuing. After the move to the new house he started again and was currently living in the basement with our other cat until they could get used to the new smells and sounds of the place. It was taking longer than we would have liked and we'd been discussing the option of having the kitties become indoor-outdoor because basement life just isn't right.

I feel really guilty that he did not have his fair share of people-time in the new house and well really at the end of his life. I feel like I would have made other decisions if I had known he was sick and nearing his end. I also feel really bad because he and J were buds in the old house and definitely not here in the new one. I have no one to blame so I have been blaming myself. But for my own sanity, I think I will move the blame to carpeting. I hate carpeting anyway, especially cream colored carpeting. Let the petitioning for bamboo floors begin! Also, I'll be moving Remember Me up to the top of my Netflix Queue as I hear it's a tearjerker and I could use a good cry.

Miss you Gato - tell Tatey and Cleo we said "hi."

Oh sugar, sugar

I've not yet hit the acceptance stage of my apparent sugar addiction. I'm still in denial. Over the past few years I've had it implied by a couple people that I have an addiction. In my defense though, I'm not as bad as her over there, or HER for goodness sake, and what about him? No, I'm fine. I barely eat any sugar. I watch D sprinkle it on his cereal in utter disgust. I'll take the honey, thank you very much.

And THAT is my downfall. Sugar IS in more things I eat than I am consistently conscious of; and so when I actually eat cookies or drink my Tall, Soy, No water, No foam, Chai Latte I think I'm still doing okay. I'll admit, I have sugar "issues" but I'm not ready to commit to removing it from my life and hence I'm not willing to admit my body could be addicted.

I think you may have noticed with my past few blog posts that I like to bake and want to bake more, and get better at it (ah, yeah like the tart incident). I do try to make my baking healthier so, for example, I do vegan lemon bars to avoid all the egg (oh and because lemon curd sends chills down my spine - anything overly yolky does) and I use whole wheat flour often with ground flax and wheat germ added. This is how I came to find myself baking banana breakfast bread, which claimed to be healthy and guilt-free for breakfast. JUST what I was looking for! Too bad I didn't do the sugar math until it was already in the oven. Assuming I cut the bread into 12 pieces, that is 1 tablespoon of sugar per serving. That's a lot. I would not put 1 Tbsp of sugar in my tea, or on my cereal, or on my macerating berries. I certainly would not want to give J 1 Tbsp of sugar at a sitting or in a day even if I could help it (which really, I can). Besides, cutting those into 12 pieces is not realistic which means more sugar per serving.

I tasted the bread this morning and it didn't even taste that sweet. I added an extra banana, didn't put in the full 3/4 cup of sugar, added wheat germ which is normally a bit sweet, AND added a handful of chocolate chips. If the recipe had been written by a food expert I would leave a comment stating my disappointment. But really, this got me thinking and that's a good thing. How can I make this bread into a truly guilt-free breakfast bread full of flax, nuts, and banana? How can I make it taste good?

To answer some of my questions I'll need to do some research. How is honey digested and utilized by the body? I'm under the assumption it's no different than sugar or banana. So maybe I need to look into stevia. Or what about agave nectar? There are so many sugar alternatives and I wonder if any of them are *really* a healthy alternative? I'm willing to look at sugar on a recipe by recipe basis but not as a whole in my life. I feel like the latter is too overwhelming and if I take care of the former then I should be okay.

I also met with my naturopath this week. I have not had an appointment with her since I got my prenatal vitamins. My file was so old that it was in storage in her house, but she did find it! That was good because it showed that in 3 years my cellular health and weight and metabolism have all remained the same or gotten better. However, my cholesterol is way too low, I failed her calcium test, and she thought I generally had a horrible diet. I can't disagree. I'm always thinking that if I ate only what I fed J then I'd be amazingly healthy and probably thinner too. It's easy to give him healthy food and expect him to eat it; it's all he's known and he's used to it. On the other hand those things taste weird, bland, and generally nose-wrinkling icky to my white bread taste buds. I'm doing far better but I'm not to the point where I will choose water over DQ ice cream. This is what J did last night. He spent our drive saying "yum yum" over a cup of ice water because it had the always coveted straw. Meanwhile his cone sat in the seat next to him with only a couple bites gone. I realize this sounds horribly messy, but let me clarify that J gets an empty cone and I sort of dip it into my ice cream so he gets a few licks. He isn't an ice cream fan and we learned this the hard way at the beginning of summer. Luckily a boy can be washed and a Jeep can be hosed out.

My naturopath gave me a suggested diet to follow but I gotta admit, it's just too much. I have a lot going on and while I want to improve I need to make baby steps or I'm gonna quit. So I've decided to tackle taking my vitamins regularly, eating more vegetables, and adding better sources of protein into my diet. These were things I knew I needed to do and wanted to change anyway. What I don't want to do is limit my carbs - at all. The suggestion was that I do one fruit and one whole grain carb a day. Okay I'd be done at breakfast after my cheerios and strawberries. No. I have to draw the line somewhere.

So basically my future food related posts will likely be a little healthier. I'll probably be doing more salads for one. I love to re-create restaurant salads so I'll likely share a few of those with you all. I found another recipe for lemon bars and since I'm not a sugar addict I may try those as well.

D asked if my naturopath had anything good to say. She did. In addition to all the cellular stuff, she admired my working out. Ha! I think I'm horrible at sticking with that but I guess perspective is everything. I'm in week three of the Couch to 5k program. I'm also planning to start back up with Zumba this week and finally get to my last couple bootcamps. So yeah, I work out semi-regularly and generally I'm no longer sedentary since leaving cubicle serfdom. Now, according to my naturopath, I'm ready for the next step.

Homestudy & Profile

Our homestudy is done. It's actually been done for a few weeks now but with vacation, work, celebrations, and life in general I've been derelict in my blogging. I know I tend to be gone for awhile then post like mad. Trust me, if I knew how to change the date stamp in Blogger for my posts so they wouldn't get lost in the mix then I'd write a bunch and dole them out slowly over a few days. But back to the homestudy! I think it went well.

Our case worker arrived fashionably late. I think this is to allow frantic parents-to-be the chance to finish up scrubbing tile grout, dusting light bulbs, and alphabetizing their media cabinet contents. We were doing none of these though, we were ready in time with baked goods. However, our house was also full of smoke, the smoke detector was going off, and said baked goods were a complete disaster.

I used the homestudy as an excuse to try a new dessert, a pretty yet seemingly simple dessert. I refused to purchase any number of round tart pans I saw. I finally found myself at Williams Sonoma, the evening before the homestudy, staring at the rectangle tart pan I wanted. However, I continued to stare because it was clearly smaller than the one used in the recipe. No size was stated in the recipe for the tart pan, and I wrongly assumed tart pans were standard - ya know like pie pans and loaf pans. Nope. I bought the WS tart pan and headed home to bake, hoping all would be fine!

I made the crust the night before and the filling. The morning of our homestudy, I spread the filling over the crust, placed my not-at-all-inexpensive fresh, organic apricots into the frangipane filling and put it in the oven. I should've put a pan under it, but I was in a hurry and while I did consider it, I thought the filling didn't seem like something that would bubble over. THAT was the mistake of the day. Being that my tart pan was on the small side, the filling bubbled over, poured over, goo'd over and basically found every and any way out of the tart pan that it could. It proceeded to burn all over the bottom of the oven.

I had asked D to check on it and by the time he did the damage was too far gone, and by the time I got into the kitchen alarms were going off and every single window was being opened and fan cranked. The tart had cooked long enough so I took it out and turned off the oven. Luckily I had made two desserts and the second had turned out, well decent which I rank below "good." Those were my vegan lemon bars. They never did setup fully and while they were delicious they were also ugly and soupy. Regardless though, the caseworker passed on any food; she didn't even want water. So much for all that.

She was there for just over two hours and the questions were not as difficult as I expected. It was the same stuff that will go into our profile. D described himself, then I had to add to it and vice versa. We had to discuss why our family was totally awesome but also what "opportunities" we felt we had here in Chateau Thompson. The example we were given is that some couples say they need to lose weight. So I guess anything can be an opportunity then because I'm not sure how weight issues reflect on parenting. Our opportunity was completing our home renovations - lame! I mean shouldn't we have had to get into the nitty gritty?

Trust me, I'm okay with it having been easy peasy. Maybe since we have a lil one who's made it over 2 years here without major damage she went easy on us? Her tour around our house was less involved than the ones we give to our friends. She had no desire to see the laundry room for instance which was actually a disappointment for D. I made him finish it before she came and apparently for no reason. Ha! I'm just glad it's done now.

After writing down our responses to her questions, taking our paperwork, completing our safety inspection, and explaining the process she took her quick partial tour and left. Then I devoured my lemon bars. I had planned to have those as breakfast as she snacked. I was famished. I also tried the tart. My poor tart. I might as well have cooked it over a campfire. It was smoky and goopy and generally disgusting. D's comment was that perhaps tarts are advanced baking. Pa-sha!

We're still waiting to get the final report from the court. That would be the report that the caseworker files after our meeting. She seemed to imply we'd passed. What we have gotten is our breakdown of how our first payment was spent and I was none too happy. We currently have $37 remaining. That's fine; we've known we'd be paying more. What's not fine is that for each of our 90 second phone calls, in which the front desk clerk rushes us off the phone, we are charged for 15 minutes! Wow. Let's just say my next call will be lengthy. The front desk clerk and I are gonna be bffs with all my chatting. Honestly, I'd rather be charged by the minute and have each minute be more expensive than be charged for at least 3x more minutes than were used.

Rant done.

We're currently working on our profile (or as some call it, life book). It's going to be spiral-bound and printed front and back, roughly 20 pages with text and full-color photos. I have it 80% completed. D needs to write more, and I need to add more photos. After that I'll be formatting and tweaking. This thing is a monster and it's taking forever! I'm sure it will be gorgeous when done and used for years by our lawyer as the shining example of what a book should look like. More importantly though, I think there's a birth mother out there that will read this and not surprisingly choose us!

Travel Blog

I posted to my travel blog! I did; I really did! I actually had a vacation to post about - yeah! :)

Enjoy.

Main Blog (scroll down and work your way up)

or

Individual posts (with photos):

Cook Forest - not so long ago

Our trip day 1

Our trip day 2

Our trip day 3

I ♥ berry season

We don't grow our own (yet), but with what's apparently a bumper crop of strawberries this year we don't have to grow our own. With that being said, we are trying to purchase local. This isn't easy when the Farmer's Market strawberries are so much more costly. To avoid the sticker shock, we went with a CSA (community supported agriculture) that offers fruit. We've already gotten our first delivery, which included a wooden pint box brimming with those red berries. They appeared to be the smaller, lop-sided cousins of the mammoths you see in the grocery store. I like that each is unique and getting a big berry is a big deal. While these berries weren't super sweet they were still really flavorful and delicious. I can barely wait until tomorrow's delivery.

This CSA is going to take a little getting used to, because I'm not sure how much I'll get each week or even what I'll get each week. I ended up already buying some produce for the weekend and beginning of the week knowing the local stuff will get me through the end of the week. I do try to buy local at the grocery but it's rather difficult outside of summer. I try to stop at Anderson's Market which is conveniently located near our Whole Foods. Both carry local produce and in-season WF's prices aren't quite as breath-taking. Anderson's is normally very reasonable though when you're dealing with the shipped in stuff from CA and FL they can't hold their own with the big box grocers.

I'm not sure how my love of berries has turned into a monologue on which grocery/market has the "best" produce. I currently have three different types of berries in my fridge right now. I have tasted them all and they are all delicious. I even got to discuss the seemingly unknown elderberry at a party this weekend. Berries, berries everywhere!

Everyone here loves berries - even D who's by far the pickiest eater here. J's been carrying around a toy tea kettle as his blueberry pail. And ever since our strawberry shortcake a couple weeks ago he's obsessed with "cake." Sweets fall into only three categories right now with J . . . cake (anything cake-like including pancakes), pie (he rarely gets pie but apparently remembers what it is) and cookies which is any small version of the previous two plus of course actual cookies. On National Donut Day he even had a donut which he licked all the glaze off of while repeating "num; mmmmmm; yummy," but he never took more than one bite of either donut. Yeah, he was double-fisting the donut holes. C'mon it WAS a national holiday!!!! Needless to say he seems to agree with D that donuts aren't all that great. Personally I very much enjoyed the donuts which I so rarely get.

Since I started with a doozy of a tangent let me go offsides a bit here too. My mom used to take me to a little bakery in downtown Sharon when we lived on the west hill. This was pre-siblings and pre-move to our later rural setting. I remember the cases full of shelves and shelves of sweets. What I cannot remember is the name of the bakery and neither can my mother. It's been closed for years; I think it was Tastee Bakery. Anyone know? It was downtown by the Post Office. Anyway, I'm not sure what all we bought there, but my memories are all about the donuts. No Dunkin' Donuts for us, thank you. I really want to find a small bakery around here like Tastee (I'm convinced it was Tastee Bakery). I know I can be weird and this supports that, but I'd prefer J have a less national-chain, shared memory of things and something more personalized. That is a benefit to a smaller town, and while I'm not moving back anytime soon (or ever - as my perks here are more plentiful), I definitely want to be weird and work to give J some small-town. I mean it's not like we live in an mega-metropolis.

Okay, back to berries or at least food. I have not baked anything lately. I feel like that's insulting to the fresh berries. Weirdness again, I know. I'll bake with them at the end of the season when they start getting a little iffy. I have been cooking though! I've tried out a few new recipes and tweaked versions of old. I didn't take any photos - I was too hungry. I think I need to start dinner sooner most days. Perhaps descriptions will interest you enough, and if you want a more detailed recipe just leave a comment and I'll get it to you.

First off I also love sandwiches. I was inspired by a brie and basil sandwich on chocolate bread that I saw on FoodGawker (I'm still addicted). I thought that was a little too close to dessert to even remotely pass for dinner so I used raisin bread. Clearly that screams dinner. It was essentially a grilled cheese. It was delicious. J gobbled it up. I didn't even hear any "eh, green" as he pulled out the basil . . . because he didn't pull it out; he gobbled it up along with the rest.

Next I re-created my favorite dinner on St. John. With all the restaurants to choose from, we normally visit Morgan's Mango twice to get this meal. It's so simple but sooooo good. It's the Vegetarian Plate which has veggies (duh), island rice, beans and plantains. The plantains make the meal (in my opinion). I mean the broccoli was good too but I have that all the time. It's hard to find ripe plantains here and I don't usually plan ahead well enough to allow time for ripening. This dish inspired me to pan-fry all my over-ripe bananas this year. J loves them that way, as do I and we get to hoard them all since again the picky D is not a fan.

My island rice lacked any sense of any island but it was still yummy. My beans however were wonderful and full of Caribbean flavor. The plantains were perfect and with J's sensitivity to broccoli we opt for grilled sweet potatoes (with a spicy little kick). Yum. We just needed some Ting to round it out . . . oh and a tan, snorkel exhaustion, and Love City atmosphere would've been nice too.

A final look into our culinary week would be our baked sweet potato lunch. J is not a fan of regular potatoes and since I didn't have the required sour cream for those anyway I went with sweet as well. I topped them with some chipotle seasoned, heavily buttered, corn and then cheddar cheese. Very yummy. I never liked sweet potatoes growing up and I think it was because I only ever saw them assaulted with marshmallow and syrup. I like their natural sweetness when their grilled, but they are equally good balanced with a little spice.

We'll see how I do this week. I have two packages of veggie dogs, fixings to mimic a local hot dog shop, and D's father's day gift (an enormous grill) is assembled and ready. I think I'll also be working hard to get J to eat zucchini which so far he hates. I'm hoping AJ's simple sauce & cheese recipe will win him over as it did me oh so many years ago when I was on the fence about this little summer squash. I'll try to be better with photos as well . . . okay I will be better with photos. I know, there is no "try" there is only "do" and "do not."

In the meantime, enjoy the end of spring everyone.

Enchiladas

One afternoon last week, while J and D were playing outside and friends (unbeknown to us) were planning a Thai adventure, I made dinner. Had we not missed our friends' call I could have continued on my streak of foraging in the cupboards, getting takeout, or eating cereal for dinner. We always have plenty of food for J though I admit I'm not too creative and cycle through the same handful of options, poor guy. But at least he always has a well-balanced meal.
Anyway, back to the fairy tale turned reality. . . I found inspiration for dinner online in two different places. I'd bookmarked a creamy vegan bean & corn enchilada recipe knowing full well I'd make it non-vegan. That evening a chicken three- cheese enchilada recipe presented itself with a very simple homemade sauce. This was perfect considering the only thing I lacked for enchiladas was sauce. I merged the sauce of one recipe with the vegetarian filling of the other. I happened to have heavy whipping cream in the house and cut it with whole milk to achieve the half and half the recipe called for - I don't normally have heavy cream in the fridge. I think milk would work too, though it may need a bit of a roux to thicken it up.
D described these as "Paula Dean" enchiladas because they were that rich. They were soooooooo good.

Giving credit where credit is due, these are:

Three cheese, creamy black bean & corn enchiladas.

(In our house they will be referred to as "those" enchiladas; the ones that all others will be measured against.)

INGREDIENTS:

Filling:

1 can black beans, rinsed

1 cup frozen corn (or canned)

1 can fire roasted tomatoes (drained)

1 tsp nutritional yeast (optional)

2 TBS cream cheese

1 1/2 tsp cumin

1/4 tsp red pepper

salt & pepper to taste

Sauce:

3/4 cup heavy whipping cream

3/4 cup milk

juice from drained tomatoes (~1/4 cup)

1 1/2 tsp cumin

1/4 tsp red pepper

salt & pepper to taste

For Assembly:

feta cheese

cheddar cheese

4-6 medium sized tortillas

DIRECTIONS:

Preheat Oven to 350

In a saute pan combine black beans, corn, and drained tomatoes (reserve the juice ~1/4 cup). You likely can't get all the juice out of the tomatoes and that's good. You only need about 1/4 cup (or less) of juice for the sauce. Add cumin, red pepper, salt, pepper and heat.

In a small sauce pan combine all ingredients for sauce. Heat on low/medium-low and stir often, being careful not to scorch the milk/cream mixture.

Once the beans and corn mixture is warm add the cream cheese and nutritional yeast, stir and continue to heat until cheese melts and mixture becomes creamy.

Keep stirring your cream sauce! Taste and adjust seasoning to your liking.

Heat tortillas in the microwave until pliable (~ 30 seconds for six tortillas)

Lay tortilla flat and line the center with filling. Top with feta cheese. Roll tortilla, place seam-side down in pan. [I used a 9x9 square pan for 4 tortillas (I only had 4! I had plenty of filling left over for 6 tortillas). Use a larger 9x12 pan for 6 tortillas.]

Repeat until tortillas and filling are gone. Pour sauce over the top. Sprinkle with cheddar cheese. Bake in oven for 10 minutes. Allow to cool for 5 minutes before serving.

No offense to our friends, whose company we would have enjoyed, but these were worth missing dinner. Try them. You'll agree - they are fantastic. This is not my first time at the rodeo with enchiladas, but these out-shine all the others that in comparison I would call disasters. And let me know if you use only milk, or something else, in place of the cream!

Notarized - Copied - Presented

Though all's been quiet on the adoption front it doesn't mean we haven't been busy. We've been scurrying about getting physicals, clearances, inspections, driving records and references. With only the child abuse and neglect clearances absent, we decided we should get our papers into our attorney so the process could get moving. We took our stack of papers up to the bank yesterday morning right when they opened. Thankfully J was his normal toddler self, climbing the chairs and attempting to run off with their keypad. This saved us from trying to be sold any new products or moved into "better" accounts. We got a stamp and a signature and took off.

I made copies of everything - all 30 or 40 pages of application and clearances. I didn't want any of that getting lost somehow. Then I hand delivered it to our attorney just before they closed. Today doesn't feel any different. I wonder if they filed it or if it's sitting in their own "to copy" pile or outbox. There was only one person in the waiting area when I was there - a young woman. Of course I wondered if she was a birth mother. I went so far as to think perhaps I should get a photo into our life book in which I'm wearing the exact same outfit she saw me in yesterday for that split second. Lots of assumptions there, I know, but I'm going to just believe that's normal.

The two big things on the horizon are the life book and the homestudy. The latter is nerve-wracking. The social worker will spend a couple hours in our home with us and J. He or she will look over the whole place and ask us a ton of questions. Now we'll be glad we've been through Pre-Cana! We've got a few things still unpacked and the new baby's room is a catch-all. So we've got our work cut out for us. I'm thinking of this as the same housework blitz we did to stage our house last spring at this time. We realized we were listing in 3 weeks and had a page-long to do list. D's going to have to tap back into that momentum again. On the bright side, our house sold in 30 days, in what was still a slow market. I think we'll have the same luck (not sure that's the right term - guess it depends on your belief system) with adoption.

The life book is in some ways easier but in many ways more difficult than the homestudy. This will be what each birth mother sees. This has to be a representation of ourselves and our life on paper and in photos. That's not that easy. Answering the tough questions isn't that easy either. You can't write what you think someone wants to hear; that's bad on multiple levels. You have to get in-touch with an honesty that may not be comfortable. And in all fairness to human nature, you want to put that honesty in the best light possible. Our attorney gave us some examples, good and bad to help guide us. We've chosen the method where we'll both answer the questions and then somehow weave them together. First we have to answer the questions though - all of them. We've both started and we've both quit with many of the same blanks.

We'll keep you updated. We'll also be looking for some eager readers to help us out. Poor AJ can't do it all.

Food, Glorious Food

I have a new obsession . . . FoodGawker. I visit at least daily. It's a photo-listing of new blog entries on what else, food. It's searchable and you can save favorites. No more over-full bookmark folders or getting bogged down following way too many food blogs. Even as a vegetarian, there are a ridiculous number of blogs out there I could follow. I don't plan on making my own tempeh or seitan though so I just assume not see those posts. Also, I'm not fond of the blogger's ruts like the one that keeps posting pancake recipes (and only pancake recipes). I want ideas. I need inspiration.

One of the recipes I found and quickly saved to my favorites was Rhubarb Galette. I made it for Mother's Day brunch. Yes, I made brunch on Mother's Day. My mom was in town so it was for her. D helped. I was in charge of sweets and he took savory. He made a delicious crustless spinach quiche. D hates the term "galette" as it makes him think of Gilette and shaving cream. He insisted I Google it to find out what it was, how it was pronounced, etc. Considering I love research and I love odd facts, I was already planning to Google 'galette.' Turns out it's pronunciation is straight-forward just as it sounds and it's simply a rustic pie that's not in a pan. They can be savory or sweet and their crust often contains corn meal.
I love rhubarb. Considering it's in-season there were plenty of recipes for me to choose from on FoodGawker. Personally, I never mix strawberry with my rhubarb so that reduced the number of recipes I was willing to make. I didn't have to search long. The galette looked so simple (not as in simple to make but simple as in plain & unadorned); it was an obvious choice.

The galette being assembled.

The finished galette. It was delicious.

While I've found dozens of recipes I want to make, including some vegan lemon bars and candied lemons to top them, I opted to make more granola yesterday. I bought all the ingredients during the Mother's Day shopping trip in hopes of making them then. I always think I can fit more into the day than actually ever happens. I made a tropical version yesterday with macadamias, pineapple, mango, extra coconut, and candied ginger. I only put chocolate chips on half the pan and I was sure to keep them on top this time so they'd remain intact. I really liked this version, possibly more than the first. I just need a tropical drink . . . ooooh, or better yet a tropical setting in which to eat them.

Done & ready to eat.

Tropical Granola: ready for it's close-up.

Last but not least, I found a link on FoodGawker that wasn't a recipe. It was a request for votes on which reader submitted the worst meal(s) they were served by a parent, grandparent, or other family member. They were both revolting and hilarious. It got me to thinking and remembering. My mom cooked for years until my father took over because in-part he apparently liked cooking more than she did. Now everyone tells me his food is fabulous but it's a vegetarian's nightmare. I couldn't tell you how it is. I tried to recall the meals I had that my mom made and they were all really normal compared to those mentioned on this blog. I'm sure one of my siblings could of and/or did love the meals I didn't like. I'd say my least favorite meal that I was regularly served was mini-pizza on hamburger buns. It was made by "spreading" raw hamburger onto hamburger buns and then popping them into the oven. They get topped with some sauce and cheese. The burger turned the white bread burger bun a bit slimy. I really hated them. I've been trying to recreate quite a few of my childhood dishes into vegetarian options, but that won't be one of them. So if you check out the blog and have a contender, their contest is over but I'd love to hear your horror stories! :)

Question

I'm working on an adoption update. I'm also working on getting some pictures up from Mother's Day. I'm a bit behind. Probably because I'm a bit busy too!

I'm "reading" (read: skimming) a book about someone who created in interesting home-based business. I'm not sure how old the author was when they started the business but it formed out of what seemed like a "what should I do when I grow up' moment. Been there. Maybe I'm still there. How long can a quarter-life crisis last anyway? Can it run right into a mid-life crisis? Hmmm. Well, considering my issue is only employment related I don't think it's considered a crisis of any sort (anymore - that quarter-life thing is real though people, what's up with that?!?!).
I spent half my time in college as "undecided" and while I should have enjoyed the wealth of liberal arts options at my liberal arts school, I didn't. Only a handful of months after graduating with my science degree and plans for post-graduate schooling, I found myself (my entire self) inside a dog kennel with a bottle of diluted bleach. You don't want to know what I was cleaning off every surface surrounding me
Though it wasn't my first or last time cleaning kennels, I thought to myself, 'self, what the hell are you doing; is this really THE plan?' Within three months I had an office job related to photography. Didn't take me long to realize, though I loved the job, I wasn't going to be doing photography. Not that my job required it, but I still don't "get" all the relationships of aperture, f-stop, lighting, etc. Someday I'll learn to use my DSLR in manual mode. Someday.

Fill in a few years of "blah blah blah" and you'll find me glad to have the "out" that is Jack. An out as in a time out, a time out from the cage (or cubicle, same difference). I'm really happy to be home playing with matchbox, learning to decipher toddler-speak, baking, cleaning, and yes even changing diapers. Someday though little ones will be in school. What will I do with myself then? And more importantly what do I do with my brain now so it doesn't turn to toddler-mush?

Well, when I find a moment of quiet time, like the author of the home-based business book, I plan to ask myself the same questions she did. I already have a gut response to them and I tend to trust those (intrigued? check out my other blog where I expound on this: Squash the Inner Critic).

What I'm interested in is hearing from you. Because I know a few of you I was jealous of in college with your solid knowledge of what you wanted to do have ended up in my camp. What about the rest of you? Have you had or are you in the midst of your own 'what should I be when I grow up' crisis? How would you answer the questions below? I'm interested to know; comment away!

"What would I love to do tomorrow? . . . Could I lose track of time doing? And wouldn't care if someone paid me or not?"

Spring Photos

It rained all day today. At times it was thundering and at other times there was just a quiet drizzle. There were even a few bursts of sunshine in-between. It was a perfectly lazy Sunday. I spent some time between the showers taking a few photos. Everything looks very green and lush, including the lawn that will be overdue to be mowed once this system passes.

One of the many dandy lions in our yard.

Our baby evergreen has all sorts of new growth!

My mom came into town this weekend and part of what she brought was a bag full of cut lilacs. The house smells amazing!

Our demure little dogwood hides in the towering white pine beside it.

We have no idea what this plant is; I went to get a closer look and saw what perhaps are flowers about to bloom??? We'll see.

Deliciously Easy Peanut Butter Cookies

After making the granola recipe last week, I got to thinking about my plan to create a version of it that would mimic a local restaurant's peanut butter cookie. With a bin full of granola bars, I thought I'd just tackle it as a cookie. I had no idea how easy it would be! I googled the cookies over at All Recipes and found one with great reviews and only THREE ingredients. I decided something that easy was worth a try. The reviewers did not lead me astray - these cookies are really good. They will become a staple. I can already see a lovely little Hershey kiss sitting upon them when I make holiday cookies. If only Daffin's made kisses. I've been shaving bits of my chocolate bunny off onto these cookies! Delicious. Enjoy!

Below is the recipe, as found here on All Recipes.

1-cup peanut butter
1-cup white sugar
1 egg

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
Combine all ingredients.
Drop by teaspoon onto a baking sheet.
Bake 8 minutes.


The recipe mentions it does not make many so I doubled it. I also baked the cookies on parchment paper as the recipe did not indicate whether the sheets should be greased or ungreased. Lastly, I did make a change to the recipe by adding a 4th ingredient (vanilla) as well as a 5th for half the batter (salted peanuts). That local restaurant I mentioned, North Star, has salted peanuts covering every inch of the top of their very large cookies. I decided to go that route with half. The mix of sweet and salty is wonderful. I'm not a huge peanut fan so I think I will add a pinch of salt to the batter next time to achieve more depth. They'll still be super easy.

My KIND of Granola Bars

I have a particular MO when it comes to baking. I get in the mood for something, usually some healthier (and magically lower calorie) version of an old favorite. Once I've searched and found a couple good recipes I bookmark them and make plans to bake. Inevitably next I realize I don't need baked goods and neither does anyone else here. I have plenty of opportunity to bake for others but somehow I think of this just after an opportunity and then forget by the time the next chance arrives. In the end I'm left with quite a few bookmarked recipes and nothing more.

This time I decided to act. I wasn't looking for a baked good as much as a protein packed snack for J. He loves cookies, ah don't we all, and I'm looking to sneak things like flax and protein into something cookie-like. I've been calling these "granola cookies" for him and hope that means granola gets added to his list of yummy things.

I was inspired by the Kind bars. I wanted something very plain but with smaller nut pieces for J. I googled "kitchen sink" muffins, cookies and granola and looked through a surprisingly large number of recipes before coming upon the one I ended up using. My version below is adapted from this recipe over at The Lunchbox Bunch.

Below is my version of the recipe. I anticipate these will be making an appearance at many parks and playgrounds this spring and summer. They were our snack at the zoo today. All J could say last night and again today was "nom, nom, yummy." It's all the feedback I need, and I completely agree with him!



My KIND of Granola Bars

2 C. oats

1/3 C. Maple Syrup
1/3 C. Honey
1/4 C. brown sugar
5 Tbsp butter or margarine
1/4 C. Flax seed meal
1/4 C. wheat germ

1 1/2 C. Dried fruit assortment

1 C. Unsweetened shredded coconut (or more fruit/grains)

1 1/2 C. Chopped nuts (assorted)

1/2 C. Seeds (sunflower, sesame, poppy, etc.)

1 Tbsp Vanilla extract

1 1/2 tsp spices (cinnamon, ginger, cardamom, and pumpkin pie spice)
1 1/2 C. chocolate chips
1/2 tsp salt
*adjust salt based on how many of your nuts are pre-salted

spray canola or olive oil




Directions:



1. Preheat oven to 300 degrees.



2. Layer parchment paper or foil in a casserole dish (or grease the insides with canola or olive oil).



3. Over low heat, toast your flax seed meal, wheat germ and coconut in a dry pan for about 1 minute. Transfer toasted meal to large mixing bowl.

4. Add oats to dry pan and toast for about 2 minutes; then transfer to bowl with other toasted ingredients.

5. Measure fruit and seed ingredients and place in large mixing bowl. Toss well.

6. Place pan (used to toast ingredients) over medium heat. Add the butter/margarine, liquid and dry sweeteners, vanilla extract, salt and cinnamon. Heat until it has melted together and becomes bubbly. Pour the hot liquid into the mixing bowl. Stir well until the mixture is thick, firm and well combined.



7. Pour the entire mixture into your lined casserole dish. Add any toppings (chocolate/crushed nuts/other).

8. Bake at 300 degrees for 35 minutes.


9. Allow to cool for one hour before slicing into bars. Allow to fully cool in fridge for storage. Bars will become chewy and firm in a cold fridge.

Makes one casserole (9x12) sized pan of bars.


I altered the ingredient list to what I had on-hand, and to my general preferences. These bars are nearly vegan and if you replace the honey with agave nectar and use margarine they will be completely vegan. I also changed the prep a bit. I can say one thing from both the original recipe and my version is that cooling in the refrigerator until the bars are completely cool (about 1 hour) is crucial. If you don't cool them you will have granola, very yummy granola but it won't retain the bar shape.

One thing I changed in this recipe that I will not do again, was that I added chocolate chips to the mixing bowl of ingredients and that created a sort of no-baked cookie taste because the chocolate melted. Next time I will add them as a topping so the chips maintain their form. The only other negative was that these bars are significantly crumblier than the Kind bars. I'll have to work on that in future batches.

Speaking of future batches, I plan to try different versions of these. Next up will be a tropical version with more coconut, tropical fruit, tropical nuts (definitely some macadamias), and maybe even some citrus zest. After that I'm going to try to create a nice sweet but salty peanut butter version. I'm thinking of North Star's peanut butter cookies as my goal. Adjust these however you like, the possibilities are limited only by your imagination! ENJOY!

Raw

Tonight was the last night of adoption class. The first four weeks were general and the last four weeks were for those interested in domestic adoption. That's us.
I didn't have high expectations for tonight based on the syllabus. And I realize now that the speaker tonight was the same woman that spoke on a similar topic 3 years ago when I took the core track. The topic was specific to public adoption through the county system. Most, if not all children coming through the county are considered special needs regardless of what issues they may have. She implied that termination of parental rights was enough to qualify them as such.
Termination of parental rights. It was an underlying current all evening. She had professional anecdotes here and there and sometimes they were very unpleasant. I will spare you.
Once she was done we had a panel of adoptive parents and adult adoptees speak to us and answer our questions. Their experiences were pretty varied. I feel like I was able to take something away from each of their stories. I really appreciated each of them spending time with us when they could have been relaxing at home. Our third speaker nearly brought me to tears, or I should say did bring me to tears but not until I was driving home. Her third daughter has had some very difficult experiences. And while I'm not certain that she was ever abused, she was around it.
I'm sure I'm not going to be very "pc" here and I know that's unlike me. Before becoming a parent I would have still wondered this but now that I am a parent I'm really dumbfounded with people. As someone who feels guilty for a killing a spider and does not eat meat because I cannot take a life, I find it unfathomable how someone can harm a child let alone their very own child. I am really confused and heartbroken for the children who don't make it out of abuse situations including those who have died. Our third speaker's daughter had both a biological brother and adoptive brother die due to abuse and neglect at the hands of separate sets of parents before arriving in her family. Again, I will spare you the details. Normally I would say I wish I'd been spared them and maybe that's the case still. I'm not sure.
I know in my heart going forward with private adoption is right for us now. I've also had a nagging suspicion even before tonight that public adoption may also be in our future down the road. It's frightening and worrisome to me to have a child I am responsible to help move past issues and baggage they may carry. I worry I won't be able to be what they need. At the same time I really feel like we'll go that route anyway because I'm not one to let fear win.
I titled this post "raw" because our last speaker used the term repeatedly in describing her emotions. She apologetically broke down while talking to us but it was clearly a sort of cathartic thing for her. The term is extremely fitting for how I'm feeling and I'm not sure how to feel better about it.

Freshman

I'm beginning to suspect the application process is like that freshman class in college used as the first step in weeding out anyone without the necessary requirements. In this case that would be organizational skill and patience. I know we're on a path that will take months (and months). I wonder if anyone does drop out during this first phase. We left our first attorney appointment with a 2-inch stack of papers to fill out or have various professionals fill out for us. Upon paying our retainer fee, we received more paperwork. I thought I was being an over-achiever in getting my 3-ring binder ahead of time. Nope; I got one that is far too small.
We're diligently working through our stack of papers. I get really excited each time we can move papers out of the binder or into a finished pile, probably because it takes awhile with each piece needing a separate approach. We have our reference letters out being written and our child abuse and neglect clearances out as well. I was supposed to get my medical records and physical done this week but my doctor cancelled. Doesn't she know I'm in a weed-out class?

Yesterday I embarked on BCI and FBI clearances (the former is for our state and of course the latter is federal/nationwide). We didn't need to do the FBI unless we were going across state lines. We figured it was better to get it done just in case. I made D do his fingerprints first since we had to visit the sheriff's office and that seemed potentially confusing. I'm not that familiar with downtown streets let alone the labyrinth of buildings in that area (plus all the construction). This was a very good decision. While it was a very simple process, I would never have thought to follow the signs for concealed carry permits. Makes sense that they need clearances and that that's likely more popular than getting them for adoption. I'm thinking 'BCI/FBI Clearances' would have made a nice sign though too. Can I not assume the concealed carry people know they are there for clearances as well? There wasn't even anyone to ask for directions so I'm glad I had D's guidance. Of course even with all that I managed to show up without my ID. I knew I needed it but I had taken it out of my wallet and forgot to put it back. Brilliant. On top of that they were closing in 1-hour and my gas light was on, which normally would not be an issue, but as stated I'm not very familiar with downtown.
I made it home, got my ID, got gas, and got back to the sheriff's office before they closed. I was told I have very light fingerprints. Interesting. I wonder if that means they'd be easy to alter or remove if I'm ever on the lamb. Not to worry, it's not in my 5 or 10-year plan.
It seems to take about 4 weeks to get any sort of paperwork back. That's the estimate for BCI, FBI and the child abuse/neglect clearances. The latter of those three were to be returned to us so we're hoping the BCI and FBI were to come here too since that's what we did. I just plan to leave everything sealed in it's envelope and hand it over to the attorney. Even after reading through both stacks of paperwork I still feel a little confused on some of these details.

Based on my reading, I believe I'm gathering all of this information to be included in our application for permission to adopt, which we will receive from our county. Once they get the application they do a homestudy. Then they grant us permission to adopt. Once that occurs (which it will because frankly we're awesome) we can give our profile to our lawyer. It will go in his waiting list and then eventually the active list. All the while we can be marketing ourselves (within the confines of the law in Ohio). Have I mentioned that it's illegal for anyone to advertise for adoption unless you are an agency? We've also been told over and over that that law is not enforced. Still I'm such a goody-goody that I can't see myself purposefully or blatantly breaking that law (don't roll your eyes - I'm compelled to be this way; I'm the oldest child & I didn't know they were bluffing). I'd much rather be in the dark about the law's finer points so I can break it accidentally.

All in all the wheels are in motion; there's all kinds of paperwork out and about for us. Our 'to do' stack is getting smaller than the done stack. Everyone has been really helpful when we ask for a letter or anything really. With all that, I'm still failing the patience part of the weed-out course. I just want my homestudy already. I've convinced myself that once the homestudy is complete and my profile is at the attorney's office I'll be able to relax and be patient. I will not listen to that little voice in my head laughing away at that. Nope [insert fingers in ears]; I don't hear you.

New Look, New Title, same blog

Clearly I've changed the title and look of this blog. I loved the previous background/template, but I felt like it's always had readability issues. I'd also out-grown the sentiment so it was simply time for a change. I'd outgrown the title too. 'Somewhere In-Between' aptly described me earlier but I don't feel that way anymore. I'm much more solidly in the present.

I didn't get any name suggestions, but regardless I have a new name and I think it's very appropriate. I'm very aware that I tend to think out loud. Add that to my having a blog and it really becomes living out loud. I wanted a new look to go with the name and I think I found it. Hope you enjoy it.

With the new look, and the new name will come new content also. I'll of course still be writing utterly useless things about my pet peeves, obsessions, and of course myself. I'll also be including recipes every now and then. I've had requests for vegetarian recipes and so I'll be sharing them here in case others want them too. As I mentioned a few posts ago, I'll also be documenting our journey to add to our family via adoption. We're really excited about this so I suspect this could take over a bit. Bear with me. Lastly, I plan to include quite a few photos. Spring has sprung and my camera and I are busting out. I'm not a trained photographer but I'm a very visual person and love to be creative.

I'm also signing up for Networked Blogs, an application on Facebook, so that all my posts will be shown over there. We'll see how (or if) this changes the blog's dynamic.


The need for change bulldozed a road down the center of my mind. - Maya Angelou

When you're finished changing, you're finished. - Benjamin Franklin

new name

Okay, this isn't really a roll call but it is a request for something so I would appreciate any (ANY) suggestions you have. I don't feel like this blog's title is appropriate any longer. "Somewhere in between" doesn't really describe me currently and I need a new name. I don't want to change my basenjiowned url though or move the blog. So . . . . any ideas? I'm thinking an reader might have a great idea since you all probably see more of the forest than just the trees here.

Thanks!