indecision

As usual, I’m indecisive.
After the fire storm of posts around the first of the year, I’m running out of interest again. Perhaps interest is not the correct word, but I don’t know what is so I’ll leave it.
I’m not sure what I want from blogging, and since I’m getting nothing, it’s clearly not fulfilling whatever I might need or want. Maybe I’m just a blog reader, and not an actual blogger. I do love to read blogs. I rarely comment though, mainly just on my family members’ blogs. Not sure why that is.
I’m already failing to meet one of my New Year’s resolutions, maybe two of them, since I don’t even know what I want from blogging let alone anything larger.
Anyway, this is a ridiculous thing to be indecisive about, really.
I guess if I figure it out I’ll be back and if not . . . adieu.
Is anyone even out there [reading this]?

Addendum

This is an addendum to my post about New Year’s resolutions.
Hidden within number five is a pretty big issue. . . . Figuring out what I want.

I was undecided then undeclared in college until I finally just settled into something. I barely work with that major now, though I did like the subject matter and I do like my job. I worked in the Counseling & Career Services Department in college. I got to take the Myers-Briggs a number of times, spend downtime looking through all the reference material they had, and I met with every counselor at least once in hopes they’d shed light on me for me. The most interesting (not necessarily helpful, but interesting none the less) thing I was ever told was that I needed to determine what (to me) was a hobby vs. a career. I never thought about separating the two. Like I said, this may not have been good advice; it may have simply added to my fretting, who knows. In any case, as much as I hate to (because I know I will fail at it – I have every year, for years) I must make this a separate resolution.

6. Figuring out what I want. I need to work towards figuring out some dreams, goals, and ambitions. This could be both short-term and/or long-term and this relates to all aspects of my life, not just career. I am starting by reading The Power of Now, which I do not want to read. I do not like living in the present – I can barely do it for the 5 minute meditation at the beginning of yoga. And shavasana – forget about it! I don’t hate the present, or my life. I just don’t feel like it’s moving towards anything (I know that may be the point, but I hate that). I’m not spontaneous so I either need to find that that is truly me and let go of the organizational demon inhabiting me, or find a way to merge the now an the future. I realize reading the book would actually be a start, rather than assuming what it’s going to say and avoiding it. This will be a tough one.

Resolute

Okay, its day three and I’m finally settling on some resolutions.

1. Getting my/our finances in order. I believe this will involve a financial planner. I know we can save more – I just know it. We need to have some self-control. Maybe having some concrete things we’re saving towards will help us stay focused.. I’m taken in by the commercial where the financial planner is at the child’s graduation (or vacation property) because they were so inetegral in making dreams come true. Really? Are they? Hmmmmm.

2. Running. I may need to lose my holiday weight gain (and then some), but my resolution is not to reach a particular number, be it on the scale or clothing rack. I want to run. I want to be able to label myself a runner. I talked to my trainer in November about a plan. This will be my year! My first goal is to run the EcoThon comfortably. That's the key, I’ve run it before but never comfortably. I want it to act as a starting point for a whole season of running.

3. Getting organized. The house is finally starting to look and feel great. Now I need to get organized. This will be no small task. This includes all my files, the outside room, basement, attic, cats (they are currently secondary citizens and they need to come up in the ranks). I know I will be having a yard sale this spring and everything truly must go. I’m considering taking an entire week off of work to accomplish this task. The problem is that I must wait until spring for a yard sale, but I do not want to wait that long to get some things organized.

4. Reducing my ecological footprint. I fly – a lot, and I know that’s bad for the footprint. But I’m a vegetarian and that should counter it (and then some?). Regardless, I’ve learned some simple things I can do and I’m going to put as many into place as possible. I scored a 45 today on one site and a 30 on another - so we’ll see where I’m at in a year.

5. Becoming more decisive. I’m not sure when it started, and maybe it crept up slowly, but I’m often paralyzed by indecision. It’s ridiculous. Often times I’m attempting to make too many people happy. Other times, I really don’t know what I want. I need to be figure out a way to better tap into what I really want and how I really feel.

That’s it. Of course there are on-going resolutions. I will continue to strive towards those as well.

- Figuring out what I want to do when I grow up. I like my new job, but it still doesn’t feel like it’s what I’m meant to do or my passion
- Having a well-rounded and consistent exercise plan (see #2 for this year’s specifics)
- Eating better (i.e. more fresh food) – I DO know how to cook so maybe I could actually do that once in awhile. We eat far too many of our meals from containers in the freezer or cupboard – that is when we’re not eating out or ordering in.

my 2006 review

I hope you had a wonderful 2006. I’d rate this year high, an 8.5 perhaps. It can’t be a 9 or 10; I have to leave room for even better years to come! So below is my year in brief review.

January, February & March:
Last year at this time I was preparing for a vacation on beautiful St. John. We stayed just over a week, but never left the island or used our brand spanking new passports. It was a thirtieth birthday vacation for D so we were joined by his sister, her friend K, and our friends T & E. We stayed at Estate Lindholm, just a short walk to Solomon Beach (then Honeymoon and Caneel). It was much swankier than our previous stay at Maho Bay camps (though that location is also highly recommended). I especially enjoyed or splurges for the Caneel Bay buffet – soooo yummy! This started the year of great! February started my travels for friends' 30th birthdays. February was a trip to MD for B's 30th. She was sick, but we still had a great time - just more low-key. I started crossing movies off my must see list (I make it after Oscar nominations each year.) after we saw Munich. After her birthday dinner with friends, we hit a local karaoke place. That was my first karaoke experience, and I was a bit shy with the choir people we had ready to show me up. I take poor singing to new heights, some may argue it cannot actually be called singing at all.
March was uneventful.

April, May & June:
April started with the passing of my 7th anniversary with my company. I was still a temp, after that many years, however this was the first year I had a title and a level, and potential to at least move up. April also brought more birthday travels. I went to Dallas in April for AJ’s 30th. We shopped (of course) and just hung out. She was tired. We also tried Bikram yoga (a first for both of us). Her hubby threw her a surprise party and I got to meet all her new friends.
I think it was sometime in May that I got an IM from AJ saying she was expecting – a surprise for all it seemed and finally a reason for why she was so tired. During the spring of 2006, I interviewed for positions in a different division of my company. After a number of stagnant years, it was past time for me to move on. By mid-June I had started a new job in editorial for middle school science.
June also marked the month for my second tattoo.

July, August, September:
We traveled to DC in July for our niece's first birthday. We also had new bamboo floors installed in half our house (1st floor). We’re in love with them. August was our 8th anniversary, the birth of our nephew Joe Jr., and my 30th birthday. D threw me a party by renting a local theatre. About a week later we left on our 'Grand Cross-Country adventure' (you can read all 16 posts from that link, just be sure to start at the bottom of the page).
We took the first two weeks of September to drive south (KY, TN, MS, LA) then west (TX, NM, CO, AZ, UT) and back home (KS, MO, IL, IN). It was awesome. I loved it.
That same month, a couple of our divisions merged at work - it meant our department would grow.

October, November, December:
I believe it was mid-October when new positions were posted at work for the elementary section of our department - I applied to a few. We ordered more bamboo that month also and started getting quotes for the upstairs.
November brought a trip to DC for B’s bachlorette party. It was the first time I got to meet little Joe Jr. More bamboo flooring was installed just before Thanksgiving - this time upstairs Thanksgiving was quietly spent at home with a Tofurkey. I spent Black Friday flying to Chicago to visit with T while D worked. We hit Ikea that day and downtown the next before we drove back on Sunday. I DID see the Impressionists at the Art Institute. I really did.
December had more traveling. We had a good-bye trip to DC as D's oldest sister moved to TX. I got a new cubicle at work - yes, this is a highlight - I now have a window! Next was the winter solstice party with a sommelier - yeah! We'll be doing that again. We closed out the year by traveling to Olean, NY for a wedding. While there we visited Niagara Falls and D turned 31. Just before leaving, for our trip I was told I got a position with elementary. After nearly 8 years I'm a full-fledged employee of my company. This was way overdue in my opinion as up until now I've been considered a "temp." History, bitterness, and an explanation of the difference would be a whole other posting. I’m just happy I finally switched jobs, and with this second switch/promotion, it’s obvious it’s working out quite well so far.

Happy 2007! :)