perfection perception

Since at least 1980, there has been a somewhat constant perception that I think I’m perfect. That I think I’m better than . . . [fill in the blank]. Or that I think I’m “above” doing certain things, talking to certain people, etc. Even those [family and friends] who are closest to me have believed this. Often this leads to my having a label such as being cold, unfriendly or even just a bitch.
At first these claims were dismissed as insults, meant only to cause a reaction. Later they were dismissed because the people didn’t really know me; they were making assumptions. I have never met these claims head-on. I have talked to maybe two people about them at all. My mother is one of those people; the one who has had similar problems. We’re both quiet, introverted wallflowers who tend to speak too formally, and only when spoken to (at least when in groups with more than just our close friends & family).
You don’t care what I have to say, really you don’t. I know that; you know that. It’s okay. I’d rather stick with that understanding than open my mouth and have it confirmed. You should actually feel lucky. I spare you my thoughts, opinions and feelings which is something I don’t normally do with family and friends. Now, this is of course a sliding scale – my level of comfort with you will result in a particular level of sharing, even if you are a close friend or family. I can be an over-sharer, which I nearly always regret.
My mother always counseled me to just forget about it. It was everyone else’s deal – their misunderstanding. She hates conflict and confrontation and I’ve been raised to avoid it so of course I do. Again, this is a sliding scale. The more secure I am in my relationship with you the more conflict and/or confrontation there will be – just ask my husband. I mean, if I confront you, surely only bad things will happen.
This entry used to have a nice, tidy ending, but it was messy and rambling in my mind so I deleted it. So now I’ll end here except for one more thing . . .
In case you need me to state the obvious, I don’t think I’m above anyone or anything or perfect at all. Beyond that, the truth(s) might shock you. And I don’t know ANY of you well enough for that.