Mirror, Mirror in my mind . . .

I had to let the previous, unexpected, blog stand alone, otherwise it would infect any other thoughts I had. And I have a lot of thoughts.
Did you know me during my 29th year in this life? Did you have firsthand experience with my obsessing over 30? I feel like it was what I needed, and as much as I got made fun of – I’d behave that way again.
I was asked about that this past weekend. I think my cousin (L) must be turning 30 this October. I should know for sure, but I’m a loser and I don’t. I know my other cousin (T) is turning 30 next month, but I thought L was younger than T. Anyway, I admitted to my obsession last year, but said it wasn’t bad at all (turning 30) and that I’m over it. I’m sure I’ve said this to at least a few people – internally 25 was a much more difficult birthday than 30.
D (there is only one D – he is the husband, hopefully you’re keeping up and you know who D is) – so D freaked out like I was lying, and turning 30 was awful for me. I did admit to being obsessed, but I never cried or had any tantrums. And quite frankly, though it may not be a good trait, how I feel inside and how I act outwardly can be very different. Sometimes that’s a conscious decision and sometimes it’s not. Sometimes it’s a mix – really. I’m guessing this is common, and maybe even normal – I don’t really care though. It’s just me.
Usually D has me figured out, though probably no one other than he would. So his reaction at lunch was somewhat surprising. Maybe because I talk a lot I assume I’ve told him what I think when in fact I’ve only thought it a million times. Does that make sense? In any case, I feel like I have to defend myself sometimes – to him, and others. I understand that they can only know me through what I share (again consciously and unconsciously). Even when I’m ready to expose the reality, they often think it’s me who is confused. So people may think I’m quite delusional about myself. Maybe I am. The mirror we see, hear and reason with ourselves through is skewed. I think that’s the case with everyone to some degree – of course some people have a much more warped view than others. Maybe I’m really warped.

So this has become another blog I did not intend to write. I actually had an idea when I sat down. By now I can’t recall what that idea was; I blame Leo Slayer. Perhaps I’ll accidentally happen upon it another time, when I have plans to write on a totally different topic.

You've got a cute way of talking

I was going to ask, “Don’t you love when random songs enter your head?” But maybe you don’t love that. I don’t always love it. As I began to write this blog (one that I didn’t intend to be about random songs, or anything music related) a song popped into my head. It’s a somewhat high energy song, and though it’s on a cd in my car, I haven’t actually listened to it for a couple weeks. Are you just dying to know what it is? Okay:
You make me feel like dancin’
Gonna dance the night away
[take time to groove here]
You make me feel like Dancin’
Dancin’
Dance the night away
That may not actually be how the lyrics flow, but in my mind that’s how they’ve been remixed. For my work fans, you can hear this on my shared itunes – enjoy.

work? blog? blog as work? work as blog?

I need to find my voice. Not like Kaetie found hers recently (I did that many years ago), but my written voice.
I even have an old college book Developing a Written Voice. Maybe I need to dig that out.
I definitely feel I lack a voice when I blog (or write in general – unless it’s for work). I’m not a natural storyteller, and I wonder if that’s part of the problem. When I write I’m very driven by my mood, and so I feel like there is part of why there is no consistent voice. I’m also driven by an inner critic and shy inner introvert (is that too much “in”?). So maybe an issue is not writing honestly (open) enough. Or maybe I do have a voice and I’m letting that critic convince me otherwise. I don’t know.
Regardless, I was at first unhappy to have so few comments. Then the comments came, and I felt better. But even with that I still don’t blog often. I’m back to wanting to use this as a means of writing. Nothing Pulitzer-worthy, but just writing so my brain keeps working. [Yes, I know that’s a fragment – artistic license!]
Oh, and don’t get me wrong – I love comments. Also, if you’re interested in linking to one another’s blog let me know.

Reading

Are you reading anything?
I have a ridiculous long list of books I'm reading - or not reading in most cases.
I'm part of a bookclub at work. So I just read What is theWhat, last month's book. It was really good. It's about the Lost Boys (specifically one) of Sudan. It's by Dave Eggers. I've not read his other work as many reviewers say his writing tends to be egotistical. I didn't want to get into that. This was fiction, but based signficantly on real events. Read it, you'll get what I mean. It's inspiring. Not inspiring like I'm going to go out and conquer something. It's inspring in that I want to learn more about the history of Africa. I want to re-commit to helping the people of the continent - especially refugees.
This weekend I read Night. I've been wanting to read it and maybe had I known it was so short I would have. I read it in the airports during my travels. It's not the first book I've read from a Holocaust survivor, and this was no less poignant. I highly reccomend this quick read too. I guess the original French version was a bit longer. I think I would have liked to read his expanded thoughts.
Now I'm torn between two books, the current bookclub selection The March (Pulitzer prize finalist about the Civil War march of Sherman) or continue on with Long Way Gone (child solider in Sierra Leone). I had planned to read the latter, but honestly it's not written nearly as well as Egger's piece. They're different, so I think it will be worthwhile to read both. Besides, the bookclub isn't all that popular. Only two of us read What is the What. I'm not sure who will read The March. I think I may do my own thing until May when it's time for The Good Earth. I highly reccomend that one too. I already read it, but plan to re-read it.
Oh, and I'm also planning to read The Secret, and maybe, just maybe I can finally dive into The Power of Now or any other number of books sitting in the 'read next' pile on my bookshelf.
Read, Read, Read! If only we still got Pizza Hut coupons for reading!
Okay, everyone off to your library now! :)

other vacations have warranted blogs too, REALLY

I spent this past weekend in Texas.
Not sure why this time I actually wrote a blog about it.
You can find it on my travel blog - the link is below.
[and see what I mean about no voice - ick]
Hmm, with comments like that I'm really not selling the TX blog very well, am I?