get 'er done

This may be another blog of randomness. We’ll see where it goes . . . .

• I haven’t blogged in awhile (duh, obvious, I know). This is usually because I start to contemplate leaving the blog. True, my blog and I have not bonded completely yet, but this time that’s not the reason for my absence. I haven’t been really busy so that’s not it. I haven’t been really boring without fodder either. I just didn’t feel like I had anything to write about or maybe I couldn’t decide on something.
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• My drawing class is over. It was four days. I did fine. I’m no Picasso, but I can hold my own I suppose. Of course I will need an infinite amount of practice to accomplish anything I’d actually be happy with. I’m quite the critic. Next is watercolor. It’s one class, 2 hours. I recognize this could be a complete waste of money. But I hope to learn something useful.
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• Erin recently posted a very interesting blog that on the surface was about tracking visitors to your MySpace or blog. But as it progressed it became more about hiding - hiding behind words. I commented, but I didn’t say much in it. I found the blog immediately thought provoking, but even writing that much in the comment felt too exposing. I definitely recognize the ability to hide behind words. To hide meaning, feeling, intent, and one’s true self. I wrote a short MySpace blog about people who blatantly lie on MySpace or create a cyber-persona for themselves that is just enough the part of them you know to be plausible, but at the same time, just enough wrong to be recognizable as a lie. It’s not that kind of hiding I’m talking about, and I don’t think that’s what Erin’s post was about either. I think it had to do with subtleties. The ideas or statements one writes that seem like blaring neon arrows pointing at things too personal for open discussion, at least to the writer. In reality these statements seem to slip right past everyone. [Insert sigh of relief]
  This is difficult to write as it implies I’m quite secretive or have looming issues I could be discussing but instead merely hint at. That’s really not true. It’s not really false either. I guess it depends on the day, week, or month and what I have going on. But please don’t feel like you should read through my blogs (or anyone else’s) looking for deeper meaning or delving between the lines of what’s there. I just found it interesting that yeah, people can hide behind their words. And the example I’m using is really only one of many ways I can think of this happening.
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• This weekend is the lull before the storm. The storm of home improvement projects that is. We have a big list and somewhat rigid deadlines. The goal is to keep up with our list, which allots plenty of time to each task. That way by fall everything will be done and we won’t be totally stressed and exhausted. Though maybe just stressed and exhausted enough for me to convince D to join the DFW group on their vacation to Mexico. I’ve never been to Mexico or to an all-inclusive type resort, which by the way is on the beach. Maybe I should start begging (and saving) now. :)
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• It will definitely be a busy summer. But I did the whole ‘pay yourself first’ thing and imbedded rewards into the to-do list. For instance, drawing and getting books read are on the list and so is working out. D put on his list working on his Jeep and pimpin’ her out. With all this going on how is it that I’m still having trouble being as present as I’d like? How is it I still find myself mentally drawn into dramas that I truly want to avoid? I’m annoyed with myself, which of course just means I’ve moved that much farther from peace.
  Patience. That’s what I decided last night. I need to be more patient with myself . . . . with my art, my job, my plans, my issues (we’ve all got them), and life in general. I’m a bit too hard on myself. And a Virgo or not, it’s just not okay anymore. The people I love are far from perfect – so if they don’t love me as I patiently allow myself to stress less over perfection, then I guess I didn’t mean as much to them as I should have. It’s irrational, no one is perfect, I know and I only expect it from myself. On the bright side, I’m better with this than I was even a year ago.

Blah, blah, blah – I’m done. That’s so not where I intended to go with that paragraph and I want to delete it but I will not.