Get over it already!

Today was a dual birthday lunch at work. Some quiet discussion there, and the lunch itself made me think about birthdays more generally. From loving them and insisting the day be special, or taking the whole month as a quiet "me" month to ignoring them or even hating them - people are so different about their feelings towards birthdays. It's really interesting. Personally, I have a love/hate relationship with them.
I'm still harboring a bit of sadness & disappointment from last year's birthday - not to mention those from childhood! So that's the source of the blog title. "Get over it already!" If you aren't saying it yet, you may be by the end of this. And yeah, I know that's what I need to do and it's what I want to do, but it's like Sundays - no matter how hopeful I am or how differently I plan for them, more often than not they suck.
My early birthdays were great, with big parties. Not the gluttonous, sweet 16 style birthdays, just a lot of family hanging out and of course cake and ice cream. With an August birthday, it was always warm and I could play outside with my friends and cousins. I have pictures of all my special cakes. My mom went all out and got me themed cakes . . . Under Dog, Big Bird, and even the Hulk I think, whatever I was into that year.
Unfortunately, as I got older, I found out how a late August birthday sucks. Each year school was just starting and all anyone cared about was getting back into the groove. Kids talked about their summer breaks and teachers worked to keep us all under control. I never got to take in treats or have the class sing to me like others did. I just went about my day knowing it was my birthday. It's not like we weren't in school for it, it's that it got lost in the shuffle. So birthdays went from something I loved to something I longed to have acknowledged. That was the story through college, and really to the present.
It's probably obvious I fall into the category of people who find birthdays important. I feel horrible when I forget someone's birthday or get the day wrong - even if it's only by a day. I try to be really creative or at least really thoughtful with cards and gifts. Even if it's only an e-card, rest assured I went through a number of sites and cards to find one I thought you'd like.
I operate on the "treat people the way you'd like to be treated" philosophy, another item still hanging around from my childhood. I know that I feel really happy, appreciated, and loved when someone does or says something thoughtful for me. So I want others to feel special and loved too. This doesn't workout so well when I encounter the people who don't love birthdays. It backfires sometimes. I just can't ignore someone's birthday though or not make some sort of bigger deal over that day than a regular day. I feel like I'd be really hurting them.
Another thing I find interesting, but also a source of melancholy introspection, is how some people who also love birthdays manage to give and recieve. I need to get in on that recieve part. Need? Want? Well, I want it and maybe I've just convinced myself I need it too. I'm pretty reserved. I don't really ask for things. So that could be how I don't recieve. I don't know. I know I sound pretty awful and greedy though right now. Sigh.
I was hoping getting this out would help me let go. Maybe it will, or maybe with time and practice I'll be able to come up with a way to approach birthdays that doesn't leave me feeling lonely. Wow, that was hard to write. And equally hard to tell the inner critic to leave sitting there in black and white - lonely.
Last year I turned 30. It sucked. It wasn't the number, and I didn't feel old. I spent a lot of my 29th year prepping for 30; I was ready! I had a list of things I wanted to do before entering a new decade (all the while knowing I was technically living my 30th year not beginning it - oh well). I didn't want to find myself at 39 still with stuff I'd wanted to do but never had.
Well, on my actual birthday, my husband worked early so we could go to dinner. But he never called to say happy birthday which made me sad. My mom didn't even call until that evening. AJ sent me an ecard and that was it from anyone. No one at work said anything. I sat off by myself; I had only been in that department for 2 months, so maybe that's why. And I didn't really understand the birthday lunch thing, which I fully undertand now, and it was this that was quietly discussed today.
At AJ's suggestion, I ended up making a last minute massage appointment for myself. It was nice. I just really wanted thoughtfulness from others though, not myself. That's all. And I know this sounds petty, but I'm giving you the short version. More happened than just this over the course of that day, and the weekend before. I had had a party followed by dinner - a good friend come into town from DC, along with my parents and sister-in-law. But I had a few local friends bail on dinner.
I should be used to low-key birthdays. I should take more cues from AJ and make them special myself - pamper myself. I should lower or delete any expectations. Or I could be more vocal about what I need or want.
"Woe is me," I know. ;) Maybe if I were less whiny and annoying, huh.
Well, I really didn't intend to be so whiny. I can't seem to get these blogs to go the direction I originally intend. I don't want to be whiny about birthdays - ever - because no matter what day I whine about them, I'm doing it on someone's birthday and I don't want to rain on their day.
Happy Birthday . . . Mark Wahlberg, Matt LeBlanc, George Michael, Carly Simon . . . and you if today is your day!